Fin

It was Miss Zen. In the Library. With the Candlestick.

Zee Blog, She iz dead.

Well, she's taking a really long dirt nap, anyway.

I thought about trying to reanimate her. I mean, it's not like I have anything else to do with this athame and chicken blood ... but, if you read/watch Sci Fi, you have to know those things almost never end well.

So, rather than risk unleashing a brain-craving, blood-sucking, soul-stealing creature from hell, I'm just gonna let her nap. You're welcome.

You can still rifle through her pockets for loose change, if you'd like.

And, no, I'm not going to explain or justify or wax philosophical about it. I'm just gonna let her sleep.

Pfft. Screw THAT. I'm not dead. I'm just available in less concentrated doses ...


If you know my real name ... you can find me on Facebook and Google+, too. 

And don't worry, I'll keep that chicken blood in the freezer, just in case. If I'm suddenly inspired to start randomly rambling again, we can all set fire to celebrate the resurrection of my undead blog together.

Namaste,
Zen

Seven (give or take a few)

SeattleDad over at Luke I am Your Father - one of my favorite Dad Bloggers - posted this fun little meme the other day and "tagged" me to suggest I might like to try it, too. You know what? He was right. This is kinda neat. And, hey, it's not like I have a lot of fresh content on here lately. Might as well delve into the archives for a bit of fun, eh?

MOST BEAUTIFUL: This is a tough one to start with. I'm not sure that anything I write is "beautiful". Still, if anything comes close to it, I suspect it must be this: Moments in a Life Well-Lived - the eulogy I delivered at my Grandfather's funeral.

MOST HELPFUL: I'm not so much with the helpful. Unless you find sarcasm to be therapeutic? But I suppose You Must Be This Tall to Ride - my Disneyland-in-a-Day plan - must have something useful for some people, because I still get a ton of hits on it every week. Or maybe people just like the picture. *shrugs*

MOST POPULAR: Going by visitor stats, I get tons of hits on this post every single day ... but I suspect that is because it has the word "chicks" and a three-letter word for your posterior in the same sentence. (Didn't post the title because I already feel bad enough for accidentally diverting people looking for hot bums to my post about fictional heroines. Sorry guys, I'm not intentionally misleading your pr0n searches, I swear!) BUT ... going by comments, this post is probably one of my more popular posts: I'm not an extrovert, but I play one on the interwebs

MOST CONTROVERSIAL: I'm about as non-confrontational as they come. But I do have opinions about controversial specific topics and I don't mind sharing them. I'd like to think I usually do so in a rational manner rather than in a trollish tone. Whatever the reason, I can't say as I've ever had any real "controversy" about a post. Maybe it's just because my readers are all so nice? ;) Still, if there were any controversy to be found, I suspect it would be either in my annual Xmas Rant or one of my numerous posts in support of Same Sex Marriage.

MOST SURPRISINGLY SUCCESSFUL: This little meme surprised me not only because it just seemed to flow so easily that it almost wrote itself, but also because it turned out that other people seemed to like it too: Where I'm From

MOST UNDERRATED: This is a tough one. Because saying a post is underrated is like saying it "deserves" more attention. I don't write for attention. I write because I love to write. Because it helps me process my thoughts. And sometimes just because it's fun. I do enjoy interaction with readers: Those "oh-wow-we-have-something-in-common" moments are great. But I don't think my posts "deserve" attention or comments. Still, if I have to choose ... I quite like this post, which I don't think many people have seen: I know it's here somewhere

MOST PRIDEWORTHY: Next to my post about my grandfather's death, this is probably my favorite. Again, this one just seemed to flow with no effort. It's simple and yet, I like to think, somewhat poetic. But if life were made of moments, then you'd never know you had one

(Yes, I know I totally cheated and linked up more than one post for couple of those topics. I'm indecisive. Sue me. ;) And now I'm going to cheat again by linking to my Best Of page and suggesting that you might find other interesting reads there or elsewhere in my archives. Ooo, I feel like such a meme-rebel.)

Now, the rules of this meme are that I should pass this along to seven other Bloggers. Well, I think I've just proven I'm not much for following rules. But, in this case, I'm happy to oblige, because I'm always happy to help point people to blogs I enjoy. I don't know if they'll want to play along and post their own 7x7 links. But, even if they don't, these are seven links that are worth clicking over to. Good reads. Seriously. :)

1. TheOneSFD
2. DaddyGeekBoy
3. Brutalism
4. Didactic Pirate 
5. Honea Express
6. Pet Cobra
7. HipMamaB

Oooh, that was harder than I thought to just list seven! Let me channel my inner rebel again and suggest that you should check the "Blogs You Should Read" section in my sidebar for more links to smart folks. AND, if you are so inclined, I invite you to try this meme, too, even if I didn't "tag" you! If you do, please share the link! I'd love to read it!

Resting on my laurels,
Zen

PS: You really should click over and visit LIAYF, too. Not only is he a great blogger, he's a great dad and a great husband and that really shines through in his writing. I'm absolutely terrible about leaving comments (anywhere) lately. But I still love reading his posts. Plus: He and his wife are planning to adopt and YOU just might be able to help! So go say "hi" to him and the Missus and their adorable son, will ya? ;)

Where I'm From

I am from science fiction stories and Saturday morning cartoons.

I am from summers that melt and winters that drizzle.

I am from acres of farmland, spring fruit blossoms and fall harvests.

I am from laughing voices raised over classic rock radio in crowded kitchens with kids and pets underfoot; from hand-me-downs and potlucks; camping and fishing; climbing trees and running around barefoot.

I am from mom's patience, dad's temper, brother's humor.

I am from fierceness and freckles.

I am from more-the-merrier and anything-for-family and own-your-choices.

I am from logic and reason, from compassion and kindness, and from just doing the laundry.

I am from the Emerald Isle and the Dust Bowl, pan-fried chicken and homemade biscuits.

I am from hallways lined with photo collages, doorways climbed by faded pencil marks, concrete impregnated with tiny hand prints, cedar chests filled with handmade quilts.

I am from simple homes and strong roots. From extended families and generational gatherings. From births and deaths, celebration and mourning, love and loss - all made better by the sharing. 


Inspired by: Where I'm From and SFD and TwoBusy.

Zen

Light up my Room

I'm sitting alone in the dark of the pre-dawn hours: Crunching my numbers, stretching my dollars, exercising my patience.

The cold that creeps up from the hardwood floors has numbed my bare toes and prickled my skin. Or maybe it's the unnatural quiet of my sleeping house that inspires my chill.

But the dearth of daylight hours has driven me into the dark, where I'm buried under piles of paperwork; choking on never-ending lists and tasks and bills and chores; drowning under the weight of my own spinning thoughts.

If you sit alone in the dark long enough, you can start to forget what the light feels like.

But the sons will be up soon, dragging the dawn in their wake, bringing back my light.



Post Title: Light up my Room, BNL

In which I am made to sound more interesting than I actually am

One of my favorite Dad Bloggers (heck, one of my favorite bloggers, period), SciFi Dad, has been doing his investigative-journalist impression again. And this time, I was his willing victim.

Read all about it over at Tales from the Dad Side today!

 Comic borrowed with permission from: http://www.xkcd.com/

I'm not an extrovert, but I play one on the interwebs

The ZenHusband and I take turns picking up the 5-year-old Minion from kindergarten. The other day, we were comparing notes and an interesting fact came up:

He has had several complete conversations with many of the other kindergarten parents waiting to pick up their kids.

I've never said so much as a word to any one of them.

That pretty much sums up one of the biggest differences between me and my husband:

He is an extrovert - a bonhomie for whom it is easy and natural to strike up a conversation with darn-near anyone.

And I am the introvert - I'm borderline anti-social when it comes to meeting new people. "Socializing" does not come naturally to me; and most social gatherings are just varying degrees of uncomfortable for me.

So much so that strangers and casual acquaintances have described me as unfriendly and even snobby. I don't think that's accurate. I like to think I'm actually quite a nice person, when you get to know me. :)

But I understand why I come off that way - I don't make it at all easy for people to know me.

Let me clarify here: I'm not shy. I'm introverted - two different things. "Shy" describes someone who avoids social interaction because of nervousness. Shy people want to interact, but they are anxious about it. Introverts are not nervous about social interaction - they just don't enjoy it.

In other words: A shy person is lonely. An introvert is just alone.

For me, there are some exceptions: With friends and close family, I can be very friendly and talkative - it can sometimes be hard to shut me up! At work, I'm never slow to speak up - in fact, formal and informal communication with all kinds of people is a key element of my job. A job that I happen to be pretty good at.

And yet, I'm the last person in the world who would strike up a casual conversation with a stranger. In fact, I'm more likely to be the person striding purposefully, headphones in my ears, avoiding eye contact with passersby.

Random chit-chat with strangers? Casual communication without purpose?

Meh. I'll pass.

I just don't have the inclination for "small talk" - it doesn't interest me. It feels forced and uncomfortable. It drains me. I'd really rather not do it.

That's where the (mis?)perception that I'm a snob comes from, I know. But it's true: If I'm not really motivated to get to know you for some reason, I'm not going to waste my time and energy - or yours - with idle conversation.

And then there's the internet ...

Where I bare my thoughts and ideas and opinions on a regular basis; where I engage perfect strangers in blog comments; where I strike up up random conversations on Twitter; where I trade jokes with Facebook friends.

For an anti-social person, I'm curiously entrenched in social media.

If you only "know" me online, I'd be curious to hear what your perception of my "socialness" is. Because I find it a lot more enjoyable to "talk" to people online than I do in person.

And I'm not sure why that is.

Why is it relatively easily for me to communicate with people online and yet I find personal engagement so uncomfortable? How can I have developed such strong bonds though a computer (and, yes, a few of my online friends have become very good IRL friends, too) ... and yet feel so completely removed from people I see every week - like the parents at my son's school?

Yeah, yeah, I know: It's not an unusual phenomenon. I gather there are many people like me - more comfortable conversing through a computer than face-to-face. There's probably even a name (and maybe even a pill, considering the state of things today) for it.

But, hey, this is my blog, I can naval-gaze if I want to. ;)

Whatever it is, I don't see it changing anytime soon. It seems like the older I get the less inclined I am to stretch outside my comfort zone and make the effort - and yes, for me it takes a great deal of effort - to "socialize" with new people.

And, you know, I'm really okay with that. As much as I love my darling, extroverted husband, I'm just not interested in sliding over to meet him on the extroversion-introversion scale - I'm not broken. I don't need fixing. 

Yes, I'm probably missing out on some interesting people in real life because of my (anti-)social quirks. But I'm pretty happy where I am - even if it is mostly in my own head.

So, I'll leave the socializing to The ZenHusband and he can leave the blogging to me. Maybe eventually he can introduce me to the other kindergarten moms.


What about you? Are you more introverted or extroverted? Is it easier for you to talk to people online then in person? Or am I just a weirdo? :)

Your Life in Song: Barenaked Ladies

MEME: Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to some of your friends and include me. You can't use the band I used, or I kick you in the shins. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think. Be sure to use the artist/band's name as the subject of your note

Are you a male or female:
"I'll Be That Girl"

Describe yourself:
"It's Only Me"

How do you feel:
"Some Fantastic"

Describe where you currently live:
"Hello City"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Take it Outside"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"In the Car"

Your best friend is:
"Thanks, That Was Fun"

You and your best friends are:
"Make My Heart Fly"

What's the weather like:
"Hidden Sun"

Favorite time of day:
"Go Home"

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called:
"The Humor of the Situation"

What is life to you:
"I Live With It Everyday"

Your fear:
"This is Where it Ends"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Wrap Your Arms Around Me"

Thought for the day:
"Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!"

How I would like to die:
"When You Dream"

My soul's present condition:
"Unfinished"

My motto:
"I Can, I Will, I Do"

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Feeling random today. And thankful for the little, favorite things:

• baby giggles
• bubble baths
• books
• best-good girlfriends
• cilantro
• magic jeans
• hard drum lines
• soft kisses
• sleeping in on the weekend
• the smell of fresh-brewed coffee
• singing in the shower
• showers for two (singing optional)
• big, fluffy towels
• bamboo sheets
• Disney movies
• flip-flops
• orchids
• the smell of rain
• Vivaldi's Four Seasons
• iced tea on a hot day
• bedtime stories
• chocolate

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
and then I don't feel so bad."

What little favorite things get you through the rough days?

On Anonymity

This is one of those oddly masturbatory blogs-about-blogging. Feel free to skip it if you find such things annoying. :)

My blog is semi-anonymous.

I don't use my real name - or the names of my husband or children. In fact, the only real names I use are those of other online people who are already "out" about their offline identities.

I don't usually post identifying photos. (I do occasionally post pictures of my kids, but I will likely do that less as they get older and start school.)

I never mention my workplace, specifically, or even my hometown. And I try not to give away too many identifying tidbits.

But ... my blog is also non-anonymous in that it is read by several people who already know me "in real life" - including several good friends and even my parents! (My husband has the address, too, but he doesn't usually read it.)

But there are other people in my offline life I'd prefer never find my blog. Or at least never find out my blog is ME.

So, I try to ensure that if someone were to go a-Googling for "My Real Name" or other personally identifying details - this blog would NOT show up in those searches.

It's not that I have anything to hide, really. I'm comfortable "owning" everything I write. It's more a matter of desiring a bit of control over my privacy. And, of course, there are the normal concerns about the random freaks and weirdos out there.

But, the main reason for my semi-anonymity - or maybe it's pseudonymity - is professional.

Everyone's heard stories of people who've lost their jobs - or job opportunities - because of something they posted on their blog or Facebook or MySpace.

For me, those concerns are amplified.

I work in public relations. I am the public spokesperson for my workplace. Like it or not, I am always "on duty" in public - always representing more than just myself. In this small community, that means everywhere: At the park, in the grocery store, at preschool, at restaurants - even just driving down the road.

It's not entirely fair. But it is what it is.

In a way, this blog is one of the few places I can relax.

Even though most of what I post here is pretty innocuous in terms of my professional life, my semi-anonymity gives me the freedom to let my hair down a bit and not worry too much about who might be judging what and how it could reflect on my work.

So, while I'm comfortable having some friends and family read my blog, if I had to put my name on it for just anyone to see ... well, I probably wouldn't blog at all.

As it is, I probably still self-censor just a bit. But, that's just me - I'm a private sort of person in some ways.

I'd like to think I'm basically the same person online that I am offline. Though - if we're honest with ourselves - I think we'd all have to admit that we share different parts of our personalities in different situations. Are you the same person at home with your kids as you are at work? Or at dinner with the in-laws? On a first date? Out for a drink with your pals? At your class reunion?

Even if it was possible to ensure complete and total anonymity (and don't kid yourselves, dahlinks, such things are not possible in this day and age), I'd like to think my blog would not be all that different from what it is right now in it's semi-anonymous state.

I do sometimes ask myself: If I had complete anonymity ... would I write about things I have not? Would I say some things differently? Would I feel more "free" to share different sides of myself? To be honest: At least once, the answer has been yes.

But, for the most part, I think I am still "putting out there" an honest representation of who I am and what I think.

What about you?

Is your blog anonymous? Do people who read it know you IRL? Why or why not? What do you think are the pros and cons of each? Do you have concerns about personal or professional repercussions? Are you concerned about what and how much you share?

I'd really like to know. :)

Nothing to see here

Nothing to see here, today.

Instead, you should go read about my friend Jen's run-in with Ronald McDonald. :D

ETA: You should also go Read DaddyGeekBoy's McRant against The Ronald.

Apparently, it's a bad day in the blog-o-sphere for corporate fast food.

Who I Am

My blog has identity issues.

I mean, "What's your blog about?" should probably have a more interesting answer than, "I dunno. Stuff I like. Or don't like. Or think about. Or do."

Yeah. Not exactly riveting, eh? Or specific.

So: What is my blog about? Me? Okay ... Who am I?

• I'm a Mom-Who-Blogs. But I don't think I fit the MommyBlogger profile.
• I have moments when I think I'm funny. But I don't think anyone is ever going to mistake this for a Humor Blog.
• I sometimes mention my work, but this is definitely not a professional blog.
• I like to talk about books and quotes. But this isn't really a Book Blog.
• I sometimes comment on current events. But this isn't a political blog.
• I like to share my love of all things geeky pop-culture. But not (I think) in an obsessive sort of way.
• Some of what I write is probably pretty boring to some people, but I would hope that is not a blog-defining characteristic. :)

Ironically, in my super-secret alter-ego, I'm a public relations professional. My job is all about defining my goal ... identifying my audience ... directing my message .. targeting my communications.

But, here ... in my blog ... I don't have to do that. It's not so much that I'm missing my target as that I've just declined to identify one. As a marketing plan, that's a great big FAIL.

But that's just it. This blog isn't a job. And I don't want it to be. If I start "marketing" my blog ... trying to make it fit some niche definition ... well, that kind of defeats the purpose for me.

I love it when new people find my blog and have something to say about it. I think it's fun "meeting" people, getting feedback, engaging in conversation ... but that's not what drives me. That's not why I'm here. That's not "Who I Am".

Who I Am ... is a writer.

I write because I have to. Because I love to. Because I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't.

I'm lucky enough to get paid to do what I love, but that's not enough.

Don't get me wrong, I love the writing I get paid for. I really do. But, that writing is ... limited. Defined. Bound. Here, I have no restrictions. No rules. This is where I come to write about whatever happens to be on my mind.

I write about what inspires me, confuses me, amuses me, frustrates me, excites me.

I write about what I know, what I think, what I want, what I feel.

I write about what I love.

I write ...

Because I don't know how not to.


And that is Who I Am.

On chivalry and broken bones

- I have to warn you, I've heard relationships
based on intense experiences never work.

- OK. We'll have to base it on sex then.

- Whatever you say, ma'am.

~ Speed

I'm a klutz. This is an established fact.

Born that way. Probably gonna die that way ... Literally.

The other day, I told someone that I was the only person I know who could end up in the Emergency Room on a date ... three times.

But, really, two of them were totally not my fault. And one of them was not even my injury, so I'm not sure it even counts ...

Disastrous Date #1

My best friend introduced me to a guy she went to high school with and he asked me out for a casual "bite to eat" kind of thing. First date, right? So, he acts the gentleman and comes around to open the car door for me ... and proceeds to slam my hand in his car door.

OhMyFuckingGawdThatHurt.

I ended up losing most of the nail on that thumb and still have a small scar to remember it by. But the highlight of the evening had to be when my date proceeded to FAINT at the sight of my bloody hand. Seriously. He made it about 10 steps away from the car before he went a little pale and pitched over - hitting his head on the glass doors of the restaurant.

So, I'm standing there holding my bloody hand and staring down at my date's still body, thinking, "Hmph. That's not good." and kind of hoping this isn't going to end up being my "How I Met Your Grandfather" story.

Fortunately, my date came-to rather quickly and was quite chivalrous about my wound. (You'd think he would have learned. I mean, chivalry was what got us into this mess in the first place.)

For the record, I didn't actually have to go to the ER that night. Because my roommate was well versed in first aid and he bandaged me up nicely. (He was all excited he got to use his mad medical skills. As long as I promised not to bleed on him. Dork.)

I went to my regular doctor the next day to make sure nothing was broken. All my little hand bones were okay, but I still was kind of handicapped for a while. Couldn't even manage the button on my pants.

Which was no big deal. 'Cuz there was no second date. ;)


Disastrous Date #2

This one did end in the ER, but I wasn't the injured party for a change.

I was working as a waitress* and I had a little crush on one of the sweet, hunky Bus Boys. So, when another co-worker invited a bunch of us over for a movie night, I thought, "Cool. A chance to get to know him outside of work."

I knew the rest of his family, too. So I wasn't surprised to see his (just as sweet) Older Brother there, and we all had a really nice night. At the end of the evening, I offered to play designated driver for two inebriated gal pals and the Sweet Brothers decided to walk us all out to my car.

As we were crossing the parking lot, a truck came roaring around the corner and almost ran me down. The driver swerved into a nearby parking spot, his passenger grabbed the 12-pack of Coors Light out of the bed of the truck, and they swaggered toward a nearby apartment.

Well, my chivalrous (are you seeing a pattern here?) Bus Boy took umbrage at my near-death experience and hollered something manly like "Slow down, you idiot."

And all hell broke loose.

The two drunks and two more of their friends from inside the apartment came out swinging for Bus Boy. Older Brother tried to break it up and he ended up getting knocked down and hitting his head - hard - on the curbing. The drunken idiots had enough sense to run off when they saw our friend bleeding on the sidewalk. But not too much sense - because they ran into their own apartment. Which I was happy to point out to the cops before following the ambulance with Older Brother to the ER.

He ended up with a concussion, poor guy. But, he was okay. And the drunken assholes who hit him were prosecuted, I'm glad to report.

But I'm sorry to report that I never did have a real date with Cute Bus Boy.

(*You know you totally have that song in your head now.)

Disastrous Date #3

This one was a second date. I blogged a little bit about it once before ...

He surprised me by taking me to local "haunted forest" attraction where people in spooky costumes jump out at you randomly. Little did he know that having spooky things jump out at me is pretty high on my least-favorite-things list.

So, I got a death grip on his arm, pressed myself up against him so tight you couldn't see light between us (hmmm, that was probably part of his plan, eh?), clenched my teeth and braved the spooky.

About halfway through the "forest", a werewolf jumps out of a bush right next to me. I scream, jump backwards, trip over a root ... and hear an ominous snapping sound as I hit the ground.

They carried me out of the forest, whisked me off in an ambulance to the nearest emergency room, and declared that I had a broken ankle. Ouch.

I never did see the rest of the haunted forest. But they sent me a t-shirt that said "I survived the [redacted] Haunted Forest". (Later, I corrected it by adding "barely" in Sharpie.) Also, the werewolf came to visit me at the emergency room. I thought that was sweet. :)

Again, my date got the chance to play chivalrous (See, I told you there was a pattern.) as he filled my pain prescription, took me home, tucked me into my bed and even watched some Disney movies with me.

Unlike the others, there was a third date after this one.

But that's another story ...

Rainbows and unicorns

This post officially falls under the TMI category. If you are at all squeamish (or have a Y chromosome) you might want to skip it. Here, look at this picture of rainbows and unicorns, instead.



Still here?

Okay, you asked for it.

This post is about cramps. Specifically, menstrual cramps from hell.

I used to be one of those annoying women who had (pharmaceutically achieved) perfect cycles: Regular schedule, light symptoms, relatively painless.

When Minion #2 was born - by unplanned C-section - I told the doctor that as long as he was in there, he could just tie those puppies off, 'cuz I had no intention of using them again. So he did. And the husband and I celebrated with several months of enthusiastically unprotected sex for the first time. (What?! I totally warned you about the TMI.)

And then I stopped breastfeeding.

And, soon after, Eve's curse reasserted itself. (Feel free to go back to the pretty unicorn now. It's only gonna get worse from here.)

And now, every 28 days or so, I have about 12 hours of oh-my-fucking-gawd-will-someone-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-a-pencil-to-distract-me-from-the-pain cramps from hell.

Now, 12 hours might not sound like an unsurvivable term in hell to the uninitiated. But, in pain-time (like bullet-time but way less cool) it's about 4,000 years. Remember, it's all relative: 30 seconds kissing a your lover is a totally different span than 30 seconds holding the handle of a hot pan. Don't take my word for it, ask Einstein. ;p

Anyway, on a pain scale from 1-to-childbirth, this is about an 8.5, which puts it somewhere above a broken bone, but just below a full-blown migraine headache. (Which is arguably worse than childbirth - at least you get a baby afterwards with the latter. With a migraine, you just get nausea and a headache-hangover.)

In terms of the type of pain, these hell-cramps are (not surprisingly) similar in nature to labor contractions.

Not the early ones you can "breathe through" ... and not the late ones where you at least get to do something about it by pushing ... but those insidious in-between ones that we only recall later as blurry, red-tinged vignettes of sweating-panting-teeth-grinding waves of oh-my-gawd-pain punctuated by increasingly shorter periods of blessed respite and a string of faceless nurses telling you that you've only progressed 1 centimeter when you know that you could totally drive a fucking mack truck through there by now.

(If you're looking for those rainbows and unicorns, they're still up there.)

For those of you who have never given birth, think John Hurt during his last meal on the Sulaco.

If you've never given birth AND you've never seen Alien ... well, I have no frame of reference for you. Try shoving a pumpkin up your nose or some other similarly sized orifice. That comes close. I guess.

Then, go rent the Aliens movies. Well, rent 1, 2 and 4. You can skip 3. It sucks.

Where was I? Oh yeah, in excruciating pain.

So ... it's been several months of these hell-cramps, now. And I am getting pretty damned tired of them.

So much so that I've resorted to drugs.

That might not sound like a big deal. Unless you know me.

Except for migraine medication, I don't take anything stronger than Tylenol on a regular basis. (Because, when you have a severe migraine headache, you will do damn near anything to make it Go. The. Fuck. Away. Seriously, if someone told me that sacrificing a baby Harp Seal and eating it's heart would make the pain stop, I'd be all, "Hand me a handsaw and some ketchup.")

Anyway, I don't even do OTC cold medicine except in extreme cases.

It's not that I have any philosophical hang-ups abut better living through chemistry. It just that meds screw with my system.

Stuff that other people can nom-nom-nom like candy makes me sleepy or dopey or grumpy or some other dwarf. I tried my husband's OTC allergy antihistamines once and I thought I was going to drop dead in a heart-racing, room-spinning, nausea-inducing cold sweat.

And don't even get me started on NyQuil. I don't call it the nighttime-sniffling-sneezing-what-the-hell-am-I-doing-on-the-kitchen-floor medicine for nothing.

So, when I say these cramps have driven me to drugs, this is a serious development.

Today, I actually took a prescription narcotic (I have some around for emergency migraine treatment). These totally screw me up. When I take them, I usually pass out for several hours of anesthetized coma. Which is not exactly something you can do when you have two small kids to take care of. So it's really a last-resort thing for me.

But, today, the pain was already so debilitating that I could barely unfurl from the fetal position, so I figured it was a choice of being non-functioning AND in pain, or just being non-functioning.

Not a tough choice.

So, I took a half-dose. And then, through some supreme force of will, I managed to only sleep for about an hour before I dragged myself out to the couch to rejoin the living.

The little men in my abdomen have now exchanged their ice-picks for felt-wrapped mallets. I'm still a little fuzzy-headed - I probably shouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a while - including blogging. But it's a trade-off I'm comfortable with for now.

Fortunately, The ZenHusband had things under control in the kid-care department while I was in la-la-land, despite the fact that he actually has a minor back injury right now. He's a trooper.

But ... this is becoming a problem.

I have a pretty high pain tolerance. (Did I mention the two childbirths and the 20 years of migraine headaches? Not to mention a lifetime of general kluzty-ness. I'm no wuss.) So, if I'm being forced to resort to narcotics to function - even just one day a month - I guess it's time to make an appointment with my OB-GYN and see if there is anything modern medicine can do for me.

I guess I've been avoiding going to the doctor. Probably because of my aforementioned aversion to drugs. And my general feeling that there's probably not anything he can do to "fix" me. Except maybe going back on birth control pills. Which I don't want to do. Because those side effects suck, too.

So, I really don't want to go see the doctor.

But I also really don't want to be a doubled-over, whimpering, quivering mass of hell-cramps again in 28 days.

*sigh*

Okay, I'll call the doctor next week.

Maybe.


Holy shit. Are you still reading this?

I bet you wish you'd opted for the rainbows and unicorns.


*This post brought to you by Codeine: The #1 choice of babble-inducing narcotics for bloggers everywhere. And by Rainbows and Unicorns: Coming soon to a nightmare near you.

Thanks for the meme-ories

I was tagged by that "25 random things, facts, habits, or goals" meme going around Facebook, so I thought I'd post them here:

1) I bite my nails.

2) I have a degree in journalism and have made my living as a writer of one kind or another for 13 years.

3) I'm a scifi/fantasy junkie: Movies, TV, books. I can't get enough of spaceships, aliens, magic, elves, comic book heroes, vampires, werewolves, etc. But I don't like horror. Especially not the gory kind.

4) I had my first child when I was 30 years old. My last when I was 33.

5) I want to live in Hawaii. On the Big Island.

6) I'm a certified scuba diver. I love to dive. But I don't really like being in the ocean when I'm not diving or snorkeling. On boats, I get terribly seasick. In the water - without gear - I get creeped out thinking about what's under the surface that I can't see.

7) I love camping and backpacking. We go several times a year.

8) My husband is 7 years older than I am.

9) I'm situational introvert. With friends and family, I'm garrulous. With acquaintances and strangers, taciturn.

10) I'm a grammar ninja. If you're wondering, that's two degrees more polite, but three degrees more deadly than a grammar snob. I abhor poor grammar in professional venues and I've actually boycotted businesses for it. Yes, it is THAT important.

11) I'm a perfectionist. (Now c'mon. Honestly. After reading #10 are you even a little bit surprised by #11?)

12) I have a mild addiction to LOLcats. They make me, well, LOL.

13) I'm agnostic and consider myself "without religion". But I'm attracted to Taoism and Buddhism.

14) I love Disney cartoons and Disneyland. If I had my way, we would go to Disneyland at least once a year.

15) I really dislike the color pink. Especially in pastel form. *gag* But one of my favorite shirts is a bright pink "Where the Wild Things Are" T.

16) I like to take photos and to scrapbook. Though, I have to admit to being pretty far behind on the scrapbooking since Minion#2 came along.

17) I'm an armchair science geek. I love to watch shows on the Discovery Channel and Science Channel and PBS and the like about astronomy, physics, biology, etc.

18) I really, really dislike "reality tv". But I do like DIY and home-and-garden type shows.

19) I think "Good Eats" is the Best. Cooking Show. Ever.

20) But I don't cook. Really. My husband does, like, 90 percent of the cooking in our house.

21) I could probably eat Mexican or Italian food every single day, if given the chance.

22) My favorite flavor of ice cream is Rocky Road.

23) I've never been to a high school reunion. I don't really feel like I've missed out on much.

24) I'd rather read a book than do almost anything else. Unless it's read a book in a long, hot bubble bath.

25) I love quotes. I collect them. Did I mention that I am several kinds of geeky?

On becoming ART

This week, I went with a good friend as she got her first tattoo. She was a little nervous about the pain and she wanted me there to support and distract her.

I can relate, because it's been just under a year since I became art.

I've always liked (tasteful) tattoos, but there were two things that kept me from getting one: Pain and Permanence.

After I had kids, both of those reasons went away - the pain didn't seem so scary because, well, after childbirth, nothing seems as scary. :) And as for the permanence, what could be more permanent than your children?

As our families are Scottish and Irish, I wanted to get a Celtic knot of some sort with my son's initials or birth signs incorporated into it. Doing some research, I found out that one of the top Celtic tattoo artists in the country just happens to be in Santa Barbara - just a few hours away from my home. So, I made an appointment - it was an 8-week waiting list - and started narrowing down my design ideas.

With help from artist Pat Fish (who is a very interesting character herself) and her assistant, Colin, I chose a beautiful Celtic Tree of Life design by Welsh artist Jan Delyth added my sons' initials and birthstone colors.

I was supposed to meet with Pat on that Saturday to finalize the design and then return on Sunday for the tattoo. But it turned out she had an opening Saturday night, so I took it.

IT HURT.

Don't let anybody tell you different. Sometimes it felt like being scratched or scraped, sometimes it was a burning sensation, and sometimes it was a little "stabby". :)

But, hey, if they were licked on by kittens, everyone would have one, eh?

Anyway, it wasn't the worst pain I've ever felt. (I did mention that I've given birth to two strapping young lads, yes?)

The tattoo goes across my spine and is relatively large, and I thought it was funny that some parts hurt more than others. Pat said it's because of the way nerves are clustered around your spine. At the time, I was too busy gritting my teeth and counting the tropical fish in her tank for the 400th time to really pay close attention. But, in retrospect, that's interesting, no?

Funny story: When Pat started the ink, my husband made a joke about "too late to back out now" and Pat told us about a girl who came in to get a Pegasus tattoo and left with one horse leg because the pain was too much! Daay-am. Now THAT'S a story. I wonder what she did with that?

So, anyway ... after about two hours in Pat's super-cool antique medical chair, she declared me "art".

Having done my homework on tattoos and their care - and having a top-shelf artist - paid off. My art healed up very quickly and without any major discomfort.

I have to say, I think the end result is lovely! What do you think?

Okay. I've shown you mine. Now you show me yours!

###

Two bits of advice for anyone getting a first tattoo ...

1) Eat first.

Seriously. Don't get tattooed on an empty stomach. The pain endorphins mess with your blood sugar and leave you all wiped out like your coming down off a Red Bull binge. I just ate a light snack before mine and I was shaking and sweating after the short walk to the car and I just wanted to eat and then pass out.

2) Do your homework.

Get a good artist (yes, they cost more, but they are worth it) and work with her to really get exactly what you want. After all, it's the only thing you will take with you when you go. Choose wisely.

Randomness x 7

I've been meme'd. So here are Seven Random Things about me:

1 - I have been knitting the same baby blanket for almost two years. I have no idea what I will do with it when it's completed. But I WILL finish the darn thing. Someday.

2 - I got my first stitches before I was 3 years old. Three stitches. In my face. That pretty much set the trend for my life. I am a klutz and injure myself on a regular basis. But never very seriously.

3 - I like to eat lemons. With salt.

4 - I'm a grammar ninja.

5 - I love the outdoors. But I hate bugs.

6 - I catalogue my personal collections of books and movies. Alphabetically. In Excel. Because I'm just a little bit OCD like that.

7 - Is my second-favorite number.

Tagged: 7 things

The rules: Write a post stating 7 random facts about yourself. Then tag 7 others to do the same.

7 - I'm a member of the roll-over club, meaning: I was in a car accident in which my car rolled over.

6 - I was 30 when I had my first baby.

5 - I've never been on a diet.

4 - I'm a sci-fi geek.

3 - I'd rather read a good book then do just about anything else.

2 - I am painfully shy and quiet in some situations, and yet quite loquacious in others.

1 - I use "big" words, like loquacious, on a regular basis.

Tagging: Jen, Kim, Jenn, Kitty, ALG, Becca, Betsy

It's not easy being green

I sometimes think I must be the only person in my entire town who uses re-usable shopping bags, judging by the responses of local store clerks.

The other day, I stopped to pick up a few items at Wal-Mart. I gave the clerk my little shopping bag and asked her to please put my items in it. After she finished giving me the deer-in-headlights look that I've come to expect, she took the bag.

I busied myself with getting my wallet, giving the baby a snack cracker, keeping my toddler from running off, getting my wallet out of my purse, etc. while she was ringing up the items.

I paid for my purchases and reached for my bag ... to find that she had put my items into plastic bags and then out the plastic bags into my reusable shopping bag.

guh-wha???

I was speechless. Really. It was my turn for the deer-in-headlights look. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be so, so, sad.

I know. Some people are going to say that's what I get for shopping at Wal-Mart. But - while this was an extreme example - I swear I get funny looks and responses all the time when I pull out my "green" bags.

This is what I get for living in uber-conservative-ville. I know Californians have a reputation for being liberal. But I think I live in the most "right"- socially and politically - area of the entire left coast.

When I am in San Francisco or Sacramento or even some areas in SoCal, nobody looks at me funny for trying to be a more "green" consumer. In fact, my favorite stores EXPECT me to bring my own bag. And they don't look at me funny when I ask whether a product is organic or was made in China or was grown locally.

But, around here, people look at you like you've just grown a second head if you do those things. And if you start talking about carbon footprints or environmental responsibility, they back away slowly ... like "crazy liberal hippie chick" is contagious. Sometimes, I wish it was.

I'm not the "greenest" person out there. But I try to do little things in my home and my life that are healthy for my family and our world. And around here that makes me a little green fish out of water.

And I swear sometimes I feel like I am being strangled by the uber-right mentality of my town. Politics, religion, the environment, civil rights ... I am usually the minority opinion on just about every social topic around here. It's usually just not even worth it to have the conversation.

*sigh*

There are a lot of great things about my town. But, somedays, I just ACHE to move somewhere where the people are just a little bit more ... like me.

Five things

Five random things I've done that other people probably haven't:


1) Been on a game show.

I was a contestant on "Win Ben Stein's Money" on Comedy Central. It was a lot of fun. I beat the other contestants to earn the chance to go up against Ben "mano-a-mano" in the "Best of Ten Test of Knowledge". Ben - super smarty pants that he is - beat me by two questions. But I had a blast :)


2) Worked as a newspaper reporter

My degree is in journalism and I worked as a professional newspaper reporter for 5 years.



3) Participated in archery competitions.

My dad taught my brother and me how to shoot when we were kids. We competed in some tournaments and such when I was in junior high/high school.



4) Broke my leg running from a werewolf

My second date with a guy I knew in college: He surprised me by taking me to local "haunted forest" attraction where people in spooky costumes jump out at you randomly. Little did he know that having spooky things jump out at me is pretty high on my least-favorite-things list.

But I was a trooper. I got a death grip on his arm, pressed myself up against him so tight you couldn't see light between us (hmmm, that was probably part of his plan, eh?), clenched my teeth and braved the spooks.

About a 1/4 of the way through, a werewolf jumps out of a bush right next to me. I scream, jump backwards, trip over a root ... and hear an ominous snapping sound as I hit the ground.

They carried me out of the forest, whisked me off in an ambulance to the nearest emergency room, and declared that I had broken a bone in my ankle. Ouch. I never did see the rest of the haunted forest. But the werewolf came to visit me at the emergency room. :)



5) Been inside a burning building - on purpose

When I was a reporter, one of my favorite stories was one I did about the local fire academy. The Fire Captain heading the course let me spend a bit of time "shadowing" the fire cadets, including doing a "live burn" exercise with them.

I got all suited - turnouts, boots, helmet, mask, air tank, etc. - and "fought fire" alongside the cadets. Of course, being a "civilian", I had my own personal firefighter chaperone right next to me the whole time. But it was still a pretty amazing experience.


We were actually in the living room of the (abandoned) house when they set it on fire. We crouched down and breathed through our respirators as we observed how the fire traveled - fast! - through the house. Then, once the smoke filled the room so thick we could barely see each other, we all crawled out of the burning building. Outside, I got to help man a hose as we learned how and where to best attack the fire.

I was sweaty and dirty and I smelled like char and smoke for a week. But it was a really interesting and unique experience.

All These Things I've done

Got this from a friend. BOLD the things you've done. Try it. It's fun. :)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you could afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a super-hero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Gone River Rafting
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Para-sailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life