Expectations

I wasn't feeling very "zen" yesterday. In fact, I was pretty upset.

I can't remember the last time I was this upset. (If any male-type folks suggest that it was about 28 days ago - I WILL verbally emasculate you.)

Anyway, I was very grumpy last night. Why? Because I didn't get my way.

I know. Mature, huh?

The reader's digest version of events: I wanted something. I couldn't have it. It sucked.

Instead of taking it in stride, I got decided to get angry and feel sorry for myself. It wasn't a conscious decision. But it was a decision, nonetheless.

I don't want things for myself very often. I always put my kids and my family first - with no regrets. Because I am the Mommy. That is my job. And my joy.

I think what made me so frustrated about THIS instance was that I COULD have had what I wanted - if I was willing to be just a little bit selfish and irresponsible. But I don't do that. Because I am the Mommy.

So, I did what I always do ... the right thing. *sigh* Sometimes it's hard being a grown-up.

I feel better about it today. But I'm still a bit out of sorts. Still feeling that "life is not fair" vibe. Which is silly, I know. Because life is NOT "fair" ... Life just is.

The Buddha would say that my unhappiness is caused by my desires.

Lao Tzu would say my unhappiness is caused by struggling against the way things are.

Shakespeare (via Hamlet) would say that "nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

All true.

But what kept running through my head last night as I lay awake WAY past my normal bedtime were the words of author and mom Vivian Glyck: "Expectations are the enemy of happiness."

That was my problem. I was stuck in an unhappy loop caused by the disconnect between my expectations and my reality.

As much as I want to blame somebody else for my bad mood, I know it was really just me. I control my thoughts. And my thoughts control my life. Outside influences are irrelevant.

Happiness is a choice. I was making the wrong choice.

I had set up expectations for what "should" be. Then things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to be. Instead of accepting the reality and finding the good in it, I fought against it, making myself unhappy.

The universe does not make mistakes. If what I think "should be" does not match up with what IS ... well, the universe is not going to change. So I need to.

Because railing at the universe about things I cannot control is a not a good use of my time.

Open your hand. Look at your palm.

We can choose to spend our time thinking about all of the things we DON'T have to fill that hand ... or we can choose to be thankful for the strength and beauty and usefulness of that hand.

If you obsess about how things SHOULD be ... you miss out on the great happiness to be found in the way things ARE.

I KNOW this. But, some days it can be harder than others to LIVE it.