Whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break."
~ William Shakespeare Macbeth, Act 4, Scene 3
"Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering, stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it. It never occurred to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squalling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure."
~ Tom Stoppard
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
Inhale. Exhale. Gone.
Death is a wound - a hole where our loved one used to fit snugly.
It might be a violent puncture, leaving you bleeding out and fighting for every breath. It might be a slow burn, devouring you by inches. It might be an illness, weakening you from within.
We know, from experience, the wound will heal over. Time will knit ragged flesh together, transmute the pain to numbness, cover the gaping emptiness with layers of scar tissue.
Still, we fight it, for a while. We huddle over our wounds like protective mothers, hating and loving the pain. Because to heal is to admit that life goes on, that the clocks don't actually stop, that the stars and the moon still shine. Without them.
Every day is a step farther from the love we knew. Every day the now becomes the then. Every day is another layer of memories sliding in on top of the old.
Every day becomes a reminder that our entire lives are spent within the tiniest span between the breaths of the universe.
Inhale. Exhale. Gone.
The knowledge would be humbling to the point of paralysis.
If it weren't for those moments.
Those moments that are so beautiful, so painful, so brilliant that they rip the breath from your lungs and scream through your brain: This is life! This is why! This is what is so fucking amazing about this fragile existence that we persevere through the knowledge that we are only candle flickers on an insignificant rock at the ass end of the universe.
"You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? ... If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. ... For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?The ultimate irony is that the knowledge of death is what makes every moment of this life so heart-achingly beautiful. And the ultimate tragedy is that we are so preoccupied with "life" as a whole that we miss SO many of those moments. Because they're not just the big moments. They're the "normal" moments, all day, every day, every moment. If we just stop to live them.
~ Kahlil Gibran
The Prophet
Inhale. Exhale. Gone.
But, oh, what comes between.
Namaste,
Zen
Beautiful, Zen. Your last paragraph was astounding. I only got 50 seconds into the video, I saw a woman crocheting and thought "After I am gone my children are going to see old women crocheting and feel sad because I'm gone." I want them to feel happy to have had me in the first place. That's what I always tell people when they have lost a loved one and that's what I want you to know as well C, I know you and your family are grieving really hard right now. That's because this person touched you so much. A lot of people aren't lucky to have a person love them that much, so hold on to that, you were lucky to have had each other in the first place. Much love Zenmama!
ReplyDeleteEverything OK?
ReplyDeleteI have to echo SFD's question.
ReplyDeleteBut a beautiful post.
@Kris: Thank you, sincerely.
ReplyDelete@SFD and @DGB: My Father-in-Law passed away this weekend after a relatively short Cancer diagnosis. And I cannot tell you how very tired I am of losing loved ones to death and disease.
Oh, I'm so sorry. My deep condolences to you and the rest of the Zen family.
ReplyDelete