(Previously posted at Venus vs Mars)
In the before-time, the ZenHusband and I used to do lots of fun things together: Backpacking, hiking, camping, SCUBA diving, music festivals, movies, video games, sporting events, museums ...
But, since the kids came along, we don't have a lot of "us" time. We do a lot of things together as a whole family - and that's great. But, we don't really do many "fun" things together just as a couple any more.
Instead, we trade off - he has time to go do some of "his" things and I have some free time to do some of "my" things.
His favorite hobbies are homebrewing, fishing, hiking, alternative music, video games, disc golf ... throw in a little football and hockey (watching) and the occasional war movie or History Channel documentary and the ZenHusband is a pretty happy camper.
Me? I'm usually happiest when I'm reading, writing, playing with techy stuff, or taking photographs.
I used to think that it was great that we each had our own interests. And, I guess I still do. But, I kind of miss doing non-parent things together, too.
Sometimes it starts to seem like whenever we are together, all we do or talk about is how to juggle work and kids' schedules, or what's for dinner, or did you feed the cat, or can you fix the kitchen drawer, or the car needs washing, or I'll pick up milk on the way home ...
Every now and then, I feel like if we didn't have all of that "family business" minutia, we might just sit and stare at each other and wonder what to talk about; I start to wonder if we have anything in common anymore besides our kids.
And then ...
... then we somehow manage to find a few hours - or even a whole day or two - of "us" time ...
And, suddenly, we remember that, while we are separate people with different interests, we are also a loving couple with more than 10 years of shared history and a lot more in common than just those fabulous, adorable rugrats who call us parents.
A while back, we had a rare two whole days to ourselves. We went out of town to do something "fun". But, more importantly, we had a lot of time to just hang out and talk. Did we talk about the kids? Yeah, a little. But we also talked about books and music and movies and food and current events.
And we talked about the fact that we want to make sure that we don't forget that, no matter how all-encompassing parenting can (and should) be in our lives, we still need to make time to do the "fun" things that we enjoy doing together - just for us - too.
We don't quite know how we are going to do it, but we agree it's important to us to try.
What about you?
Do you and your significant other have shared interests or hobbies? Do you do "fun" things together (without your kids)? Or do you each do your own "grown up" things? Is "couple time" a priority for you? How do you find the time and what kinds of things do you do?
Zen
* Title from: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
We both enjoy blogging, but that's not really a cooperative endeavour. I mean, we blog simultaneously, but not on the same computer (or even looking at each other).
ReplyDeleteWe enjoy good movies and tv, so we often find ourselves watching a DVD when the kids are in bed.
We still spend the little together time we have talking out our son. We are pathetic that way.
ReplyDeleteWe did see Avatar in Imax 3D though, and didn't mention him once. Progress.
We;ve just instituted a weekly 'date night' that will hopefully insure that we get some time together without the kids, tv or computer. It was her idea, and a good one.
ReplyDeleteThree musts:
ReplyDelete1. Weekly date night.
2. Never passing on weekly date night. Ever.
3. Planned alone sex time. Not 'let's sneak it in while the kids are asleep' time. There's that, too, but you need planned sex time. Crucial.
As Tim Gunn says, "make it work!"
I always say 'Before the dark time. Before the Empire!'. She doesn't find that as amusing as I. But I agree completely. I often remind her we need to
ReplyDeleteremember we're husband and wife not just mommy and daddy otherwise when they're gone we'll have nothing left.
I DISAGREE with the formality if date night. Part of the pre-empire joy was the freedom to be spontaneous. So while we don't have a scheduled time I make it a point to get together without the kids once or twice a month. Even of it's just drinks and appetizers at the loccal happy hour. Fortunately we both got awesome moms who love watching the grandkids. I don't know how people do it without that support!
We don't get to do a lot of stuff together any more, but we do carve out some time here and there. But our relationship has always been built on "his stuff" and "her stuff" since our interests don't intersect that much.
ReplyDeleteSince moving back to Oregon 2.45 yrs ago, and adding a second kiddo to the fam, 2.50 yrs ago, we rarely get out alone. (This is not recommended, BTW)
ReplyDeleteIt's just the lack of trusted friends/family. This is a good reminder.
Me and my wife enjoy traveling a lot. We love interacting with people from different walks of life. And we do enjoy road trips. We also love going to Anaheim. Used cars in great condition and quality are the best when it comes to road trips and traveling across the cities.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I love going on a road trip once in a while. Indianapolis is our favorite destination. We've also had a lot of experiences when it comes to cars. Next week, we're heading off again to Indianapolis. Mazda cars are now what we are looking for to replace our old travel car. I hope that Mazda dealers will help us in choosing the right car for us.
ReplyDeleteI miss traveling a lot. I haven't been traveling for about five years now. I was so afraid because we've had a car accident in Oakland at that time. I honestly didn't know what to do. I felt so devastated and so traumatized. Then we talked to a lawyer who has helped us process claims for my accident. Suddenly, I felt so relieved, and now I'm hoping that I could have the courage to travel again.
ReplyDeleteDoing things as a couple is just as important as having your 'alone' time. For new couples, managing their personal and joint finances is one of the first things they have to face. In this respect, it is a good idea to always consult each other before making any big purchases. This way, balancing your accounts would be easier.
ReplyDelete