On religion

"So, what church do you go to?"

There are people here who actually start their casual conversations with near-strangers with that question.

I guess I'm a little old fashioned in that I think religion and politics are poor topics for "casual" conversations. I was raised to think of those as more personal topics; Rude to inquire about when you don't know the other person very well.

Blogs being a whole different animal, I will now commence to discuss religion at length, because it's my blog and I'll talk about what I please, thank-you-very-much. :)

Personally, I don't give two hoots what most other people believe. Yet the conversation still so often turns to religion. Believe me, I'm never the one to steer it there. Because it almost never ends well.

I don't consider myself "in the closet" about my religion - or, more specifically, my lack thereof - but I'm also not one to shout about it from the roof-tops, either.

But my silence has an unintended side-effect.

I think I've mentioned 7 or 10 times before that I live in the "Bible Belt" of California. Around here, everyone just assumes everyone else is one flavor or another of Christian. Because, well, everyone here is. It's part of the social fabric of the community. So, asking which church (of the 70 bajillion to choose from) you belong to is as common as asking which school your kids attend.

When the topic of religion comes up, I usually just let the person labor under her assumptions that my beliefs must be similar to her own. I won't lie, but I don't usually go out of my way to enlighten them, either.

First: It's really none of their business. Like I said: It's a personal thing. You don't go around asking casual acquaintances about their salaries or their medical history or their sex lives, do you?

Second: It's usually just a lot easier to let a casual inquiry pass with a simple, "I'm not religious," and let them make of that what they will. Usually, the person is not really interested in my philosophical views anyway - he's just trying to figure out which box in his head to put me in.

Third: It kind of derails some people when they realize they are talking to a *gasp* real-life, honest-to-goodness, godless heathen. The idea that I have no religion just makes them slip a gear. And it sometimes takes a while for the social graces to return.

Sometimes it's all frozen smiles and back-away-slowly. Sometimes you get that shocked-and-appalled look - like I just said I eat babies on Sundays. (Pfft. Silly wabbits - we only do that on high holidays.) Some of them actually want to start arguing with you, right then and there. I never know whether to be annoyed or amused by that one.

A good reaction is when they just continue the conversation normally without making me feel like I've suddenly grown a third eye. Good reactions are rarer than you might think.

Another acceptable reaction is polite inquiry as to my beliefs. But, that's not easy either.

Because my spiritual-religious philosophy is not easily summed up with a quick label. So, what do I say? "Agnostic-Atheist-with-Taoist-and-Buddhist-leanings" doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, eh?

Plus, that usually just opens up new potential for confusion.

Buddhism, most people have heard of - though, I'm constantly surprised at how many people I meet who really know nothing about it. ("Well, Buddha is just another name for God, right?" O.0 ) And mention Taoism and it's usually just blank stares.

But it's always the agnostic-atheist part that people get really hung-up on. Because, while some people are tolerant of other religions ... most of them are much less tolerant of the non-religious.

I'm amazed by the people who really don't know what it means to be agnostic and/or atheist ... "Gee, you don't look like a devil worshipper." or "So, you hate Christians?" or my favorite: "What happened?" - like my "condition" is some kind of injury or affliction. Again: O.o

But - never fear - those folks don't let not understanding it stop them from condemning it - and you.

And that brings me to the last reason I usually prefer to avoid the topic of religion in social settings:

Fear of confrontation.

I'm sometimes afraid of how other people's reactions will affect my job, my relationships, the way my kids are treated.

I'm reminded of the pretty blue lady in "X-Men" who tells the bigoted Senator: "People like you are the reason I was afraid to go to school as a child."

How sad is that? But it's true.

It can be intimidating to be "different" than the majority. Just as it can be dangerous to think differently than those in power.

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man ... is stoned to death." ~ Joan D. Vinge

I'm a big fan of the First Amendment, but I'm not so naive as to think that people are not discriminated against every day in this country for their religious beliefs. And I also know that atheists are among the least trusted and most reviled of "others" in this country.

I'm extremely non-confrontational by nature. I don't like friction. I never want to be the cause of dissension. I just want everyone to get along.

So I keep quiet to keep the peace. I avoid the confrontation by avoiding the subject.

But, to be honest, I'm getting tired of letting people assume my silence is agreement, even in casual context.

So, World, consider this your notice:

I am not responsible for your hangups about my beliefs.

I'm secure in my beliefs. I'm happy. I don't need fixing. I don't need to "fit in".

If you have a problem with my beliefs ... well, it's yours. Own it.

Because I'm done carrying it around for you.