Confessions of a grammar snob

I just read a post that was written in ALL CAPS - except for every letter "i", which was in lower case. Every "E" in every word was replaced with "3". And it was written in a bold pink font on a white background.

Those were it's good points.

I think my eyes have finally stopped bleeding.

I would like to say that this was the worst post I've ever seen. But, sadly, that's not true. It's not even the worst post I've seen this week.

What are people thinking?

I capitalize the first word of sentences. I use punctuation marks. I take the extra .25 seconds to spell out whole words like "your" and "to". I use spell-check.

Apparently, these basic grammar skills mark me as appallingly uncool in online communities. I guess I should just shut off my computer, cancel my Internet service and hide out in academia for the rest of my life.

But, before I shuffle off to the old-geeks home, can someone please tell me: Why is it that people like me - who appreciate good grammar and netiquette - are considered "rude" or "uptight" for remarking on atrocities like those described above? Or - gods forbid - gently correcting an error? As I've said before: I think it's like telling someone they have spinach in their teeth. I would want to know.

But, apparently, the Internet "doesn't count".

Oh, bother.

Fine. If you don't mind the fact that people will think you're stupid, then go right ahead: Ignore basic rules of grammar and spelling. Keep right on misusing homonyms. Boycott punctuation. Type only in "txtspk".

But don't expect me to read it. And don't expect me to give any serious consideration to anything that you have to say. The right to speak does not include the right to be read, nor to be taken seriously. You have to actually work for those.

If you "choose" to type like an idiot, I'm just going to assume you are one.

*sigh*

You know what's funny? I actually like things like LOLcats just as much as the next gal. (In fact, I've a downright unhealthy addiction to those things. I've had to clean my beverage off of my screen many-a-time while browsing icanhascheezeburger and icanhasforce, but that's a whole other blog.)

I've also been known to use "LOL" and "OMG" and "PWNED" and other Internet slang in IMs or casual emails. I even use (overuse?) smilies. :)

But the difference is: I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

If you know the rules and choose to break them - sparingly - for humor or other effect, I have no problem with that. If you make a typo, or misspell a word or two, or "LOL" at something - I'm not going to lob a dictionary at you. I promise.

But the people who write whole blogs in "txtspk" and "l33t speak"? The ones who make forum posts six paragraphs long with no capitalization or punctuation? The ones who blatantly misspell every word? The ones who use rAndOm caPiTalIzatIoN?

THEY make me want to stab them in the head with my little red copy-editing pencil.

I guess that makes me a mean ol' stuck-up grammar-snob.

Meh. I can live with that.