And you people mocked my Zombie Attack Plans

Who's laughing now, eh?

I've been saying for years that waiting until the walking dead are on your doorstep to worry about your armory is just asking to become a brain-buffet. My Zombie Apocalypse motto: Plan ahead!

So, how much do I love the CDC this week:

The Centers for Disease Control: Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

Okay, seriously, this is a hilarious and totally effective marketing strategy on the part of the CDC. The PR-Chick side of my brain is giving them a big ol' standing O for it.

BUT ... the geek side of my brain (which may arguably be the more dominant lobe), is screaming: "Dude, that list is fine for your standard earthquake or tsunami or pandemic, but these are the walking dead we're taking about! You're gonna need more than some jugs of water, a change of clothes and some duct tape!" (Though duct tape IS one of the staples of my own ZAP* Kit .)

Which is where this brilliant bit of journalism - featuring the awesomely funny Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) - comes in:

Washington Post: CDC prepares for Zombie Apocalypse: tips on how to survive

Like Jenny, I believe in being prepared. Which is why we have this little gem on the shelf, right next to the first aid kit.

All due respect to the CDC, if you really want to survive the impending Zombie Apocalypse, I suggest supplementing the CDC's list with a weekend at home with a stack of zombie flicks and a fresh notebook. My personal favorites:

• Shaun of the Dead
• Zombieland
• Night of the Living Dead (The 1968 original AND 1990 remake)
• Dawn of the Dead
• Resident Evil (And it's sequels)
• Night of the Comet

Now, to be honest, some of these are going to offer good and useful advice for the Zombie Apocalypse. Others ... well, you're gonna want to take notes on what NOT to do. I leave figuring out which is which as an exercise for the student.

Your turn: Any movies or books or other study guides that you would add to the list?

Locked and loaded,
Zen

*ZAP: Zombie Attack Plan. Patent Pending.

Zen's Brain on Drugs: The Rapture Edition!

I'm on cold meds. I hardly ever take cold meds - or, really, almost any kind of meds besides OTC pain relievers. Because they make me all loopy - like light-headed and silly and kinda philosophical and babbly. (Think college freshman after three shots of Tequila.)

On the rare occassions when I DO take meds, I try not operate any heavy machinery - including my blog. Cuz when I do, it usually results in things like this. (Warning, that link is not for the faint of heart.)

But, I've been neglecting the old blog lately, so, I figure a meds-induced babble-fest is better than nothing, right? Hmm. We'll see.

So, compliments of ample parts pseudoephedrine, brompheniramine maleate, dextromethorphan hydrobromide, phenylephrine hydrocholride and probably some other things I can't pronounce - I bring you:

It's the End of the World as we Know It ... Again

Apparently there are people - as in plural ... as in more than one ... as in several, even* - who actually believe they are going to be physically transported to Heaven this Saturday.

Seriously? No. Really. Seriously?!?!

I've been vacillating between "so stupid it's not even worth mentioning" and "What the Flagnar?!" on this all week.

Because, on the one hand, it's too ridiculous to even be worth talking about, right? But, on the other, it kind of makes me LOL - especially when I read things like this:

Christopher Moore: "Hey, the rapture falls on a Saturday! How cool is that. I guess I won't be driving. Not early in the day, anyway. Later in the day, I will probably be driving a really nice car with some fish bumper stickers and shit on it. Give a little time to scrape them off."

But, on another hand (Shut up, I might have three hands. You don't know. I told you I'm on drugs!) ... it also makes me kinda sad. That people are that ... I dunno, desperate, deluded, divorced from reality? ... that they seriously believe not only that their god is going to beam them up to heaven a la Star Trek, but that some random radio personality from Oakland has "cracked the code" (like their god is some kind of hobby cryptographer fucking around with his lab rats by planting random clues about the location of their cheese) and can tell them exactly when it's going to happen. Again. Because, you know, he got it wrong the first time - as did, well, everyone who has ever predicted the end of the world. But, hey, that was a just a math error - could happen to anyone! But this time, he's sure.

Okay, I'm back to "What the Flagnar?!" again.

But I have to seriously wonder: What does a True Believer do on the day after the last day, when the world just keeps on keepin' on? I have to admin, that thought kinda scares me.

See you Sunday,
Zen

* You know what the best part of this particular lil' rant is? If I'm wrong, the people who would could say "I told you so" won't be around to do so.