27 March 2009

Nobody Told Me

When my first son was only a few months old, another mother said to me:

"Being a mother is like having your heart walking around outside of your body."

I agreed. But I didn't fully understand at the time.

I stood there with her and I thought of my beautiful new baby. I thought about how surprised I was by the depths of my love for this itty bitty new person ... and I thought about how becoming a mom throws all of your other priorities out the window ... and I thought about how I knew I would do anything for this amazing child of mine.

And I thought I understood what she was telling me.

But I didn't. Not yet.

All I knew in those precious, priceless first months was that my son was the new center of the universe. I knew the joy. I knew the excitement. I knew the overwhelming love. I even knew some of the nervousness and fear.

But I didn't know about the pain. Yet.

I didn't realize, then, that a Mother feels everything her child feels - only magnified.

I didn't know that when my sons were hurt, I would bleed.

"Being a mother is like having your heart walking around outside of your body."


Nobody tells you these things before you're a parent.

Nobody tells you that when they fall down, you feel the earth bruise your body. Nobody tells you that when they get sick, your skin burns with fever. Nobody tells you that when someone breaks their heart, you can feel yours rip open, too.

Nobody tells you how painfully joyous it is to let your Heart walk out into that big scary world out there every day, knowing that you can't protect them from all of the dangers they will face.

Then again, maybe they do tell you. Or try to.

Maybe we just don't hear it. Maybe it's one of those things you have to learn on your own.

"Being a mother is like having your heart walking around outside of your body."


5 comments:

  1. OK...I need a tissue. That really hit me. You are so right that we think we understand...but realize later that we didn't understand at all. Goodness...I gotta find a tissue!

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  2. If it makes you feel better, Jen, I needed a tissue when I wrote it. :)

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  3. Wonderful post. I so get it. We carried them under our heart for 9 months so why would it feel any less than that?

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  4. Yeah?

    Have 3 kids.

    By kid 3, when they fall, you're like "Oooh, is Oprah already on?"

    When the third kid is gone for awhile, you're all "Hey, kid 1? What's your name? Go find kid 3, willya? Mommy's on the phone."

    but of course, you know I'm lying. I can't breathe sometimes just when one of the girls says 'Mommy, I'm hungryyyyy..." and I'm not even the Mommy.

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  5. this is beautiful, thank you!

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