Always be yourself. Unless you can be a ninja. Always be a ninja.

My son wants matching costumes to match for Halloween - Ninjas. Cuz ninjas are cool. His was pretty easy to find:

Then we asked the costume store clerk to help us find a "matching" women's ninja costume. She brought us to this:

The mom in me thought: Holy Hell, Lady, I'm going trick-or-treating with my 8-year-old, not to a bacchanal at Hefner's house.

The martial artist in me thought: Her boob would fall right out of that thing if she tried to do a good side kick.

Both me's were pretty disgusted that this was the only women's ninja costume we could find at FIVE STORES.

So, I spent a bit of time with my pal, Google ... and came away rather horrified at the differences in the men's and women's versions of the "same" costumes.

Of course, I had to share ... enjoy the photo gallery as I rant on.

I get it: Men and women are built differently - Vive la différence! 

And there's nothing wrong with fitted or feminine costumes. Personally, I'd much rather wear a costume that's cut for my curves, than some one-size-fits-none sack.

But a LOT of these costumes sprint right past "fitted" or "flattering" or even "sexy" and dive straight into the ridiculously skanky end of the pool.

I get that some costumes have a built-in sexy factor. But it bugs me that most of the female versions of what should be gender-neutral costumes are gratuitously over-sexualized.

There's an implication that a woman can't actually be these characters -  Instead, we're relegated to hyper-sexual parodies of them.

And before someone starts accusing me of slut-shaming all those sweet college girls and hot MILFs who just want to have a little fun on Halloween: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sexy outfits per se - on Halloween or any other day. (Well, it's probably not a good idea to wear your "naughty nurse" outfit to your kid's fall pageant; but, hey, that's up to you.)

(Caveat: there's nothing inherently wrong with an ADULT dressing in a sexy costume. You DO NOT want to get me started about the trickle down trend of "sexy" tween and kids costumes. Anybody who thinks a "sexy" kids costume is a good idea can just go stand over there in your wrongness and be wrong.)

I'm not even saying that I wouldn't ever wear a "sexy" costume - I would and I have.

But there's a line here somewhere, and I'm afraid we've trampled across it in our fishnets and stilettos.

It's getting to the point where it's becoming difficult to even find women's costumes that are NOT all bustiers and mini-skirts.

Seriously: Google "women's police costume". Let me know how many pages it takes you to find one that is not "sexy".

Take a look around a Halloween store (IRL or online, take your pick). I estimate a 10:1 ratio of "sexy" costumes to "normal" costumes for women  - as opposed to something more like 1:50 for men.

And yet there are many women who rush to defend the continued skankification (technical term) of women's costumes as "empowering" because we're "embracing our sexuality".

Bullshit.

Turning Halloween costumes into glorified masturbatory aides is not how you "own your sexuality".

Is it really too much to ask for some middle ground between "men's" costumes and "sexy" costumes? Is it really so hard to make a woman's costume that acknowledges my gender without objectifying it? Are there really so few women who would prefer that?

What does that say about us? What does it say to our kids?


Just wanna be a ninja,
Zen

Wanna see something really scary? 

More comparisons of "men's" and "women's" versions of "the same" costumes:

It's like they were separated at birth.

Accio robe. 

Hers has about a 10th of the fabric and you KNOW it still costs more.

Yeah, this seems historically accurate to me.

You don't even want to see the Red Riding Hood costumes.

These two live in the same climate, right?

"Hey, you know who could be sexier? The cowgirl doll from that kids movie." 

He's covered neck to toe in inflammable protective gear.

She apparently repels flames with the power of her cleavage.

What? That's totally standard issue women's prison uniform.
Except during the nightly pillow fights, then they go naked.

Oh, look a sailor. And, um, ... a Rockette?

Insert "booty" pun here.

Those heels are going to destroy the turf.

Well, the hat and the magnifying glass are the same. 

They both have a whip, but somehow only hers implies bondage. I blame the tiny hat.

Holy Skank, Batman!

They actually managed to make a comics costume even MORE slutty than the comics usually do.

Ho Ho Ho meets 'Ho 'ho 'ho.