Give sorrow words

"Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break."
~ William Shakespeare Macbeth, Act 4, Scene 3

"Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering, stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it. It never occurred to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squalling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure." 

~ Tom Stoppard
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Inhale. Exhale. Gone.

Death is a wound - a hole where our loved one used to fit snugly.

It might be a violent puncture, leaving you bleeding out and fighting for every breath. It might be a slow burn, devouring you by inches. It might be an illness, weakening you from within.

We know, from experience, the wound will heal over. Time will knit ragged flesh together, transmute the pain to numbness, cover the gaping emptiness with layers of scar tissue.

Still, we fight it, for a while. We huddle over our wounds like protective mothers, hating and loving the pain. Because to heal is to admit that life goes on, that the clocks don't actually stop, that the stars and the moon still shine. Without them.

Every day is a step farther from the love we knew. Every day the now becomes the then. Every day is another layer of memories sliding in on top of the old.

Every day becomes a reminder that our entire lives are spent within the tiniest span between the breaths of the universe.

Inhale. Exhale. Gone.

The knowledge would be humbling to the point of paralysis.

If it weren't for those moments.

Those moments that are so beautiful, so painful, so brilliant that they rip the breath from your lungs and scream through your brain: This is life! This is why! This is what is so fucking amazing about this fragile existence that we persevere through the knowledge that we are only candle flickers on an insignificant rock at the ass end of the universe.

"You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? ... If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. ... For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

~ Kahlil Gibran
The Prophet

The ultimate irony is that the knowledge of death is what makes every moment of this life so heart-achingly beautiful. And the ultimate tragedy is that we are so preoccupied with "life" as a whole that we miss SO many of those moments. Because they're not just the big moments. They're the "normal" moments, all day, every day, every moment. If we just stop to live them.

Inhale. Exhale. Gone.

But, oh, what comes between.




Namaste,
Zen

Our lives are made In these small hours

Oh, this is a lovely reminder that life is made of moments.



"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~ Buddha

Not taking it for granted,
Zen

* Post Title: Little Wonders, Rob Thomas

Yes. This.

"A problem is just a problem because we think of it that way. Stuff happens. If we don’t like the stuff, we label it a problem and try to jam the world back into the way it was going before. If we do like the stuff, we label it an opportunity and try to take advantage of it. The difference between a problem and an opportunity is what we do with it, not what it is to begin with." ~ Stever Robinson, The Get-It-Done Guy

There is no secret ingredient

I'm not what you'd call "athletic".

Never really into sports, not overly graceful (understatement of the year), and more likely to be found reading a book than working out.

So, not a big surprise when I say I haven't participated in any sort of "regular" exercise program since before The Professor was born.  (He's 6 now, for those keeping count.)

We have a somewhat active lifestyle. But I don't really "exercise". Unless you count yoga. Which I don't. Because, while it can be strenuous and really excellent for flexibility and balance, it's not the kind of workout that gets your heart rate up. I enjoy yoga a lot, but it's not a calorie burner.

And, yeah, I could stand to burn a few calories.

My problem with most "exercise" is it is boring as hell. 

I've tried joining gyms a few times over the years. But, no matter how enthusiastically I try to approach it, "going to the gym" quickly becomes a chore that I loathe and resent. I just can't get into step classes or aerobics or spinning or even treadmills and weights and machines.  

Brain Not Engaged. Abort. Abort. Abort.

And, being the antisocial butterfly that I am,  team sports and activities, which are slightly better at engaging the little gray cells, are not exactly high on my list of Things That Don't Suck.

But I think I've finally found an "exercise" I can really enjoy: Karate.

I know. Whouda thunk?!

But yeah. I've been taking Kenpo Karate lessons for a couple of months now. And I'm really enjoying myself!

We enrolled The Professor in classes a few months ago and, after taking him to a few classes, I decided, Hey, that looks like fun! So I signed up for the adult classes! I was a little nervous at first, but I'm loving it more and more with every class.

With Kenpo, my body and brain are both engaged. I'm learning something fun and useful and it's a great workout. (I have to admit the push-ups and crunches we usually do in our warm up still totally kick my ass. I mean, push-ups! Before I started this class, I hadn't done push-ups in 15 years! Who does push-ups?! Oh, right, me now.)

One of the best parts is that, in a way, The Professor and I are learning together. I attend the adult classes two nights a week and take The Professor to his "Pee Wee" classes on two other nights. (Where I learn a lot just by watching, to be honest.) Then, we practice together at home.

My training's a little more advanced then his, of course, but not much. We're both learning Yellow Belt techniques and we both have the same teacher(s). So, while my instruction is more in depth, we are, essentially, on the same page. I love that I can "help him with his homework" as it were, and that we can have fun practicing our techniques and forms together. (Per his request, Santa is bringing him his own punching bag to practice on at home. Shhhh.)

The cheeky little monkey darling boy even "bet" me that he can earn his (Pee-Wee) Yellow Belt before I earn my Yellow Belt. Ha! Kid doesn't know that Mommy has competitive streak. It's on now, little man. Oh, it's on. ;)

Oh, sorry. Where was I? Oh right, quality time with the kid.

As much as I'm loving that I get to share this activity with my son - and, maybe, in a few years, with both sons - I also love the "me time" that I'm getting with my lessons.

One of the first things my Sifu told me is that when you step onto the mat, you leave everything else off.

Unlike other times I've "tried" to just be in the moment with other types of exercise, with Kenpo I am effortlessly and totally engaged from the time I bow on to the time I bow off. I'm not thinking about co-workers or housework or politics or drama or anything else but what I am learning and doing.

How zen is that? :)

Speaking of my Sifu - I actually have two. The Dojo is a family affair and the instructors are father and son. The younger teaches the beginning classes and the elder leads the advanced classes, though he occasionally leads our class or works with specific students when we break into groups.

We're a small class - about a dozen of us "adult beginners", all told. And we rank from White Belts (that would be me) all the way up to Brown Belts, who are more assistant teachers than students.

Both instructors are, of course, experienced Black Belts. Despite that fact the the son is barely old enough to shave. Okay, okay, that's not true. He's college age. But still. I feel pretty freakin' old gettin' schooled by a kid who's almost young enough to be my ... well, not son, thank goodness, but definitely a much-younger nephew or something.

Still, he's not only an excellent martial artist, he's an excellent teacher. You know that old saying? It's true: Just because you know how to do something, doesn't mean you can teach it. That's harder than most people think. And my Sifu, despite his youth, is very good at both. I feel like I've already learned a lot! Which is why I don't mind so much that I have to call him "Mister".

Well, that and the fact that he could kick my ass with both arms tied behind his back.

No. Really. He totally could.

I know that I'm babbling on and on and that most people couldn't care less about my new hobby. But, I'm enjoying this whole thing so much, that I'm just bursting with it.

That would be me putting the O in OCD, I guess. ;)

Bottom line: I'm having So. Much. Fun! And I'm so glad that I decided to take a chance and try something new!

Your Turn: When's the last time YOU did something that was brand new to you? How'd that work out for ya? And what's your favorite form of exercise? 

Groundhog Day, or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the weather rodent

The astounding weather-predicting rodent Punxsutawney Phil poked his nose out of his stump up on Gobbler's Knob this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.

As much as I might want to resent the oversized rodent for denying me an early Spring ... I don't.

As I said last year: I just love the silliness of Groundhog Day.

I mean, seriously, what an absurd holiday! A rodent that predicts the coming of Spring?! How odd a tradition is that? And, Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania? Good on ya' for capitalizing the hell out of it. (Psst. Don't tell Punxsutawney I called their holy day "silly", okay? They take this shit seriously, y'all.)

Groundhog Day is such a special holiday it even has it's own movie! Dude, that puts it up there with the Big Guns of Christmas and Thanksgiving! Sure, Bill Murray is no Charlie Brown or Heat Miser. But, still, a movie named after you, that's a pretty big accomplishment for holiday that doesn't involve gifts or feasts or rampant commercialism! Go, Groundhog Day!

As I also mentioned last year, I quite like the movie. (And, since so very few of you were reading my blog this time last year, I'ma tell you, again, why I like it.)

It's a funny movie, sure. Bill Murray almost always cracks me up. But, I also see interesting philosophical undertones in it: Undertones that Buddhists and Taoists might recognize.

*SPOILERS*

In the movie (directed by the very funny Harold Ramis), Phil, the self-absorbed weatherman, finds himself trapped in the same day over and over again. He tries several approaches to end his suffering - to exert control over his reality, to break out of his cycle through some force of his will.

When those don't work, he falls into desperation and despair.

And then he has a moment of understanding and acceptance. He stops focusing on his suffering. He stops fighting against his reality. He focuses instead on this moment and he turns his attention to relieving the suffering of others. He stops "trying" and starts "being" part of a bigger whole.

By caring for others and living in this moment instead of worrying only about himself and what the next moment will be, he has the "perfect day".

"Whatever happens tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, I'm happy now..."
~ Phil, Groundhog Day

Cue the Hollywood Happy Ending™: Boy breaks cycle, boy gets girl and they live happily ever after.

There's a warm-n-fuzzy message in there, delivered on a platter of funny. Win-win, yeah?

*END SPOILERS*

So, when Groundhog Day rolls around each year, it's a reminder to me that it doesn't matter if Punxsutawney Phil predicts six more weeks of cold or an early Spring thaw.

Religiously, I'm an atheist. Philosophically, I'm a Taoist. Realistically, I'm a pragmatist: Complaining about the cold doesn't make it warm.

And, yeah, I'm not just talking about the weather.

I believe that you can either accept what life is and, thereby gain the freedom and ability to find the happiness in it, or you can make yourself miserable by dwelling on what "should be".

Groundhog Day is my annual reminder to shove "should be" out the door. If you let it, "should be" will steal your time and your happiness. I don't have any room for that thief in my life.

As Phil-the-weatherman learned on his never-ending Groundhog Day: You can beat your fists uselessly against the bars of your "cage" or you can take another look around, spruce the place up and make a home of it. And maybe find it's not so much a cage after all. It's your choice.

Whew. Pretty heavy stuff to hang on such a little holiday, huh? Meh, I think Phil can handle the weight. He's a hefty little groundhog. And, I suspect, wiser than your average rodent.

Zen

That was Zen, This is Tao

"There are no mundane things outside of Buddhism,
and there is no Buddhism outside of mundane things."
~ Yuan-Wu

Despite the title of my blog, I don't actually spend a lot of time writing about "Zen".

Honestly, I sometimes feel like I'm committing false advertising. :) I kind of feel bad for poor wandering web-surfers who might be seeking wisdom or enlightenment and instead find me. Sorry 'bout that. ;)

As much as I dislike labels about this sort of thing, I do identify with Taoism and Zen Buddhism as part of my life philosophy (I don't consider them religion. At least not in terms of my practice.) - which is where my nickname/blogging pseudonym came from.

But, despite what some people think, that doesn't mean that I spend all my time meditating on spirituality or philosophizing about attachment or "striving for enlightenment" (whatever that means). (I do enjoy yoga, though. So I guess I fit that stereotype.)

But, no. It's pretty much the opposite of that. I don't mentally separate my "practice" from my "life".

It's not about doing something "above and beyond" my everyday life. It's about living and appreciating my life every day. It's about acting with mindfulness and compassion. And about forgiving myself and others when we fall short. And I do. Fall short, that is. A lot. But that's okay, too. That's why they call it "practice" ... because you're never perfect.

Having said all of that ... I do enjoy reading about Buddhism and Taoism and people who practice them.

If that sounds interesting to you, you should check out some of my favorite "zen" blogs ...

Cheerio Road
Karen Maezen Miller is the author of Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood. If you are a parent, you should read her book. Like her book, her blog is insightful and inspiring. She also blogs at The Laundry Line at ...

Shambala SunSpace
I subscribe to the Shambala Sun Magazine, but I think I enjoy the blog even more. They feature a variety of authors with interesting perspectives on a breadth of topics.

The Zen in You
Caroline at The Zen in You is taking a little blogging hiatus right now, but her site is still worth a visit. Her beautiful photography is complemented by posts that reflect her kind, caring personality.

Zen Moments
This is a lovely collection of real life stories contributed by a variety of people about their personal moments of awareness, inspiration, compassion and beauty.

BlissChick
I'm a relatively new reader at BlissChick, so I don't feel like I really "know" Christine yet, but her bright, positive energy really jumps right out at you and her joi de vivre makes me smile.

MojoMom
Dr. Amy Tiemann is an interesting and intelligent blogger and I'm really looking forward to reading her book.

The Buddhist Blog
This one always makes me think. James explores a huge variety of topics and ideas from a Buddhist standpoint. He also has about a bazillion links to online Buddhist resources and blogs.

I hope you enjoy these. And I always love to hear your reading suggestions, too.

Namaste.

On anger

Recently, I wrote a post about my frustration with someone I work with.

Ironically, THIS came up on my "Quote of the Day" calendar this morning ...

"Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste,
it is better that you should sit at the gate of the temple
and take alms of those who work with joy."
~ Kahlil Gibran

Looks like this reminder came just in time, eh? The universe is funny like that. :)

But it really did make me think. I do take joy in my work the majority of the time. Overall, it is something I enjoy and would miss were it gone. But, yes, there are moments of frustration and even anger.

Usually, when I get to feeling frustrated, I talk it out with my lunch-buddy - one of my best friends. She and I go to lunch and we bitch a little and then we laugh about it and we move on. We joke that we should be able to write off our weekly lunches as occupational therapy. It really is cathartic.

This time, I tried writing about it.

To be honest, I really hesitated to put the anger and frustration I was feeling into so permanent a form. On the one hand, I thought it could be good for me to "get it out". On the other hand, it makes it ... permanent. It gives it life outside my own mind.

I did feel better after I wrote it. I'd satisfied the need to vent a little and I felt like some of the negativity was purged from system. I was ready to let it go.

It's gone.

But, also, it's not.

Because it's still here - in black and white.

The feelings are gone, but the words remain. A reminder of that negativity. A reminder that words said in anger can never really be "taken back".

I think this is the first time I've ever posted anything so negative - the first time I've vented anger and frustration in writing. And now it's part of the permanent record.

I can own that. And learn from it.

As I've said before, "zen" isn't about feeling calm all the time. Anger is a part of who we are, too. To deny it, to sublimate it, is unhealthy. It's "okay" to feel anger. The problems happen when we act on that anger. Or when we hold on to it.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
~ Siddhartha Gautama

The best thing is to accept that you feel the anger in this moment and then let it go.

If you are holding on to anger from the last moment, then you are not fully invested in this moment.

So ... does writing about anger help you move from that moment to the next? Does it help you learn and grow? Or does it prolong the feelings, distract from the now? Does scratching that immediate itch give you relief ... or does it only serve to leave more lasting marks?

I don't know.

But, for me , I think my "therapy lunches" with my girlfriend work better.

###

Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

On religion

"So, what church do you go to?"

There are people here who actually start their casual conversations with near-strangers with that question.

I guess I'm a little old fashioned in that I think religion and politics are poor topics for "casual" conversations. I was raised to think of those as more personal topics; Rude to inquire about when you don't know the other person very well.

Blogs being a whole different animal, I will now commence to discuss religion at length, because it's my blog and I'll talk about what I please, thank-you-very-much. :)

Personally, I don't give two hoots what most other people believe. Yet the conversation still so often turns to religion. Believe me, I'm never the one to steer it there. Because it almost never ends well.

I don't consider myself "in the closet" about my religion - or, more specifically, my lack thereof - but I'm also not one to shout about it from the roof-tops, either.

But my silence has an unintended side-effect.

I think I've mentioned 7 or 10 times before that I live in the "Bible Belt" of California. Around here, everyone just assumes everyone else is one flavor or another of Christian. Because, well, everyone here is. It's part of the social fabric of the community. So, asking which church (of the 70 bajillion to choose from) you belong to is as common as asking which school your kids attend.

When the topic of religion comes up, I usually just let the person labor under her assumptions that my beliefs must be similar to her own. I won't lie, but I don't usually go out of my way to enlighten them, either.

First: It's really none of their business. Like I said: It's a personal thing. You don't go around asking casual acquaintances about their salaries or their medical history or their sex lives, do you?

Second: It's usually just a lot easier to let a casual inquiry pass with a simple, "I'm not religious," and let them make of that what they will. Usually, the person is not really interested in my philosophical views anyway - he's just trying to figure out which box in his head to put me in.

Third: It kind of derails some people when they realize they are talking to a *gasp* real-life, honest-to-goodness, godless heathen. The idea that I have no religion just makes them slip a gear. And it sometimes takes a while for the social graces to return.

Sometimes it's all frozen smiles and back-away-slowly. Sometimes you get that shocked-and-appalled look - like I just said I eat babies on Sundays. (Pfft. Silly wabbits - we only do that on high holidays.) Some of them actually want to start arguing with you, right then and there. I never know whether to be annoyed or amused by that one.

A good reaction is when they just continue the conversation normally without making me feel like I've suddenly grown a third eye. Good reactions are rarer than you might think.

Another acceptable reaction is polite inquiry as to my beliefs. But, that's not easy either.

Because my spiritual-religious philosophy is not easily summed up with a quick label. So, what do I say? "Agnostic-Atheist-with-Taoist-and-Buddhist-leanings" doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, eh?

Plus, that usually just opens up new potential for confusion.

Buddhism, most people have heard of - though, I'm constantly surprised at how many people I meet who really know nothing about it. ("Well, Buddha is just another name for God, right?" O.0 ) And mention Taoism and it's usually just blank stares.

But it's always the agnostic-atheist part that people get really hung-up on. Because, while some people are tolerant of other religions ... most of them are much less tolerant of the non-religious.

I'm amazed by the people who really don't know what it means to be agnostic and/or atheist ... "Gee, you don't look like a devil worshipper." or "So, you hate Christians?" or my favorite: "What happened?" - like my "condition" is some kind of injury or affliction. Again: O.o

But - never fear - those folks don't let not understanding it stop them from condemning it - and you.

And that brings me to the last reason I usually prefer to avoid the topic of religion in social settings:

Fear of confrontation.

I'm sometimes afraid of how other people's reactions will affect my job, my relationships, the way my kids are treated.

I'm reminded of the pretty blue lady in "X-Men" who tells the bigoted Senator: "People like you are the reason I was afraid to go to school as a child."

How sad is that? But it's true.

It can be intimidating to be "different" than the majority. Just as it can be dangerous to think differently than those in power.

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man ... is stoned to death." ~ Joan D. Vinge

I'm a big fan of the First Amendment, but I'm not so naive as to think that people are not discriminated against every day in this country for their religious beliefs. And I also know that atheists are among the least trusted and most reviled of "others" in this country.

I'm extremely non-confrontational by nature. I don't like friction. I never want to be the cause of dissension. I just want everyone to get along.

So I keep quiet to keep the peace. I avoid the confrontation by avoiding the subject.

But, to be honest, I'm getting tired of letting people assume my silence is agreement, even in casual context.

So, World, consider this your notice:

I am not responsible for your hangups about my beliefs.

I'm secure in my beliefs. I'm happy. I don't need fixing. I don't need to "fit in".

If you have a problem with my beliefs ... well, it's yours. Own it.

Because I'm done carrying it around for you.

On Remembering to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n

"If you are not happy here and how, you never will be."
~ Taisen Deshimaru

Things have been so busy and stressful at work lately that I feel like I've been stuck on fast-forward for weeks. I get to moving so fast that I can't find the brakes. Even worse, I'm not even enjoying the scenery along the way.

"Flow with whatever may happen and let your mind be free:
Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing."
~ Chuang Tzu

I've mentioned before that there really is no such thing as multi-tasking. Yes, I know that sounds a little crazy, coming from a mom. I mean, we spend most of our lives multi-tasking right?

Not really. We can only ever, really, do one thing at a time.

So how do we cook breakfast, do dishes, help with school work, make a shopping list, do laundry, and all the million other mundane things we do all at the "same" time every day?

We don't. We switch our attention back and forth from one to the next to the next, like jugglers. We toss one ball up, catch another on the way down and then attend to the one in the other hand.

We've learned to alternate between multiple tasks very, very quickly (is it any wonder we are always so tired?) without really ever giving our full and complete attention to any one of them. But, hey, these are just boring, everyday, unimportant tasks ... right?

"Monotony is the law of nature.
Look at the monotonous manner in which the sun rises.
The monotony of necessary occupations
is exhilarating and life-giving."
~ Gandhi

I know that I sometimes feel like I couldn't possibly get through the week without being able to shuffle and juggle and bounce back and forth between all of my various tasks at work and at home.

But ...

Maybe it's better to slow down and stop trying to keep all of the balls in the air at the same time. Focus on just one task. Finish it. Move on to the next. Enjoy the moment, whatever it may be.

There is a certain happiness and peace to be found in doing just One. Thing. At. A. Time. In being fully in the moment. In doing the laundry. Washing the dishes. Making the bed. Bathing the kids. In concentrating fully on THIS task. THIS moment. The ONLY moment.

"There are no mundane things outside of Buddhism
and there is no Buddhism outside of mundane things
~ Yuan-Wu

Sometimes I need to STOP. And remind myself of this.

To remember that happiness is not to be found in scratching things off a to-do list. That happiness is not something that just happens after you're done with your mundane tasks ... later ... some day ...

That "happy" really can be found in something as simple as slowing down and giving your full attention to this very moment.

"Those who seek Dharma in the depths,
are those who leave it behind in the shallows."
~ Shido Munan

"A lifetime is not what’s between the moments of birth and death.
A lifetime is one moment between my two little breaths.
The present, the here, the now.That’s all the life I get.
I live each moment in full, in kindness, in peace, without regret."
~ Chade Meng

One of these kids is doin' her own thing

I went to Target last Sunday wearing this shirt.

Yeeeah. That probably wasn't too bright.

Might as well have been naked and riding a horse down the housewares aisle for all the freaky looks it got me.

Even better than the looks I get when I wear this one:

I think I just need to get one like this to complete the "odd-one-out" wardrobe trifecta.


Yes, I know. Everyone thinks California is one big liberal love-fest. (That, and we all surf.) But it's not true. Sorry to burst your Baywatch bubble. But California has communities that rival the Bible Belt in their conservatism.

There seems to be an inversely proportional relationship between conservatism and living distance from the ocean.

And my house is HOURS away from the ocean.

I live in a god-fearin', gun-totin', right-votin' bastion of political and social conservatism (think Mayberry circa 1950).

It's not all bad ... in fact, there are many things I really love about this little town.

But, every once in a while, something happens to drive home the reality that I do not quite fit the mold.

And that's okay, I guess. I'm not really one to worry too much about what other people think about my personal life.

I figure, live and let live, right? You don't need to "approve" of my life any more than I need to "approve" of yours. We can all just do what makes us happy, right? And leave everyone else alone to do what makes them happy. Right?

Right?

Mmmm. Wouldn't that be nice?

Happy Groundhog Day

The amazing weather predicting rodent Punxsutawney Phil poked his nose out of his stump up on Gobbler's Knob this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.

I love Groundhog Day.

For two reasons:

1) It's such a silly holiday.

Granted, it's not as silly as National Static Electricity Day, but still.

I think it's great to revel in the silly every now and then. So, yeah, why not celebrate a weather predicting rodent who, by the way, has his own fan club and merchandise line? Heck, there have been whole religions built on less.

Plus, what the hell else is holding up the economy of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania? They need this. So I say, let's support them.


2) I really like the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray.

Yes, it's funny. But it's also kind of Zen, if you think about it.

Phil (the cranky weatherman, not the 120-year-old prognosticating groundhog) learns that every action does have consequences, even if you can't see them right away; He learns that there is no self that is separate from others; He learns to live in the moment and to serve others; and, when he finally stops trying, he succeeds in breaking the cycle that held him back.

Other people might see something else in that movie. But those are the things I see.

That, plus, Phil the weatherman driving through town in a stolen pick-up truck telling Phil the Groundhog on his lap, "Don't Drive Angry" just makes me laugh every time.

Validation

Thanks to Kevin Pereira for pointing out this great short film on his blog.

I love it. :)

Resolved

My New Year's Resolutions for 2009:

(Yes, I know it is January 8, thank-you-very-much, Ms. Smartypants. See Number 4.)

1. Complete Zombie Attack Contingency Plans. (Seriously, the time to think about the proximity of your chainsaw and a full tank of gas is NOT when the undead are already gathering on your lawn!)

2. Don't strangle annoying co-workers. (That "Temporary Insanity" plea only works so many times. Don't push you luck.)

3. Develop Jedi Mind Powers. (I'm thinking that having a Force Push option could really help with #2.)

4. Start working on next year's resolutions. (So that, in 2010, I will be the FIRST to post my list! Mwahahahaha!)

5. Be less competitive. (With just a little work, I know I can be less competitive than Jenn. Heh Heh Heh. I'm totally going to kick her - oh, right, um. I mean, whatever, it's cool.)

6. Stop using so many parenthetical phrases. (Seriously, I never realized it was so annoying.)


Alright, you got me. I don't actually make new year's resolutions.

Honestly? I just don't see the point.

What is is about a "new" year that makes everyone go crazy over "goals"?

If it's important, why aren't you doing it already? Contrariwise, if you are not doing it already, maybe it's not really that important.

If you are going to do it ... just DO it. Be it. Live it.

Don't wait until Jan. 1. Don't promise or pledge or resolve. DO.

Don't get me wrong, I love lists. And it can be good to have goals, to want to improve yourself and the world. But - for me - writing down some grand list of pie-crust promises each Jan. 1 (and, let's face it, for some people it's just a repeat of last year's list) is not the best way to do that.

No. For me, I'll stick with the wisdom of Jedi Master Yoda: "Do or Do Not. There is no Try."

Happy Winter Solstice

Today is the Winter Solstice - the shortest day and longest night of the year.

Some cultures celebrate the solstices with festivals to recognize the cyclical nature of the world and our connection to it.

For those: Happy Solstice and Blessed Yule!

Personally, I always like to take a moment to note the Winter and Summer solstices. They remind me not to take nature - and our place in it - too much for granted.

I'm an extremely rational and practical person. I don't believe in - or really have a care about - anything magical or mystical or supernatural or paranormal.

So it might seem odd for me to say that I am often fascinated - awed, even - by the wonder of nature and by the myths different cultures have created to explain our world and man's place in it.

I love the Greek myths about creation and the seasons, and the Norse tales of the hero's journey, and Polynesians' wrathful fire goddess, and the many Celtic personifications of nature.

These stories are fascinating to me. From a literary perspective, for sure. But also from an anthropological one.

Ironically, it seems to me that the "average" person was more in touch with the natural world in ancient times - when we did not understand the "why" of it all.

Now that we can explain things from the astral to the molecular levels, we've lost some of our wonder.

We use clocks and calendars to track time, instead of the sun and seasons. Our homes are climate controlled to the point that weather is largely irrelevant.

Global positioning systems have taken the place of navigation by constellation. The lights of our cities block out the patterns of the stars. We speed by so fast in our cars and trains and planes, that we barely notice the animals and the trees and the rocks and the waterways.

We can touch the sky, we can leave our planet, we can see into other solar systems, and we can alter our own cells ... and all of that give us an illusion of being somehow removed from the rest of nature.

I get just as caught up in all of that as anybody else.

There are moments when nature still manages to break through all of the modern distractions and really take my breath away.

But, mostly, it's easy to fall into the fallacy that the beauty and wonder of nature is irrelevant to our everyday lives - that it's all separate from us.

So, at least twice a year - at the solstices - I like to take a moment to consciously acknowledge the beauty and wonder of this amazing world we live in.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not planning to shun modern conveniences and go live in a cave to commune with nature or anything.

Heck, I don't even plan to turn off my central heating today.

But ... for me, the solstice is a time to remember that we are all part of something bigger. It's a humble reminder not to take myself - or anyone else - too seriously. ;P

Happy Solstice.

The Tao of Baloo

Oh, wow.

I think I just had an epiphany.

I've always loved this song - and the character. I even sing it to my kids, sometimes. But I never consciously realized until just right now how very zen this song is. :)




And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you

We Shall Be Free

This is the song I have been hearing in my head all week.



We've come so far. And yet ... not.

Californians demonstrated this week that we care more about the humane treatment of farm animals than we do about the humane treatment of human beings.

Fortunately, the battle is not over. Because so long as one of us is chained, none of us are free.

In the end, I am confident, compassion and equality will prevail. But only if we don't give up.


We Shall Be Free
Garth Brooks

This ain't comin' from no prophet
Just an ordinary man
When I close my eyes I see
The way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread
When the last man dies for just words that he said
When there's shelter over the poorest head
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within
When the skies and the oceans are clean again
Then we shall be free

We shall be free, We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud
'Cause we shall be free

When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
We shall be free

We shall be free
Have a little faith, Hold out
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time
And nobody walks a step behind
When there's only one race and that's mankind
Then we shall be free

We shall be free, We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud, have a little faith, hold out
We shall be free

We shall be free, We shall be free
Stand straight, have a little faith
We shall be free

I know it's here somewhere

I seem to have misplaced my Calm.

I know it must be around here somewhere. I mean, I just had it a bit ago.

I know I had it this morning when my four-year-old threw up in his bed. And I'm sure I still had it when I could not find the one-year-old's shoes. I think it was still there when the zipper broke on the baby's brand-new jacket.

I remember clinging to it desperately when the four-year-old threw a tantrum for no particular reason, causing the one-year-old to follow suit as I was trying to get them both in the car. But by the time I had gotten to the sitters' house and realized I'd forgotten their day bag, it was well-and-truly gone.

I know if I could just set aside this pile of little frustrations, I would find my Calm underneath them all.

So I need to wash bedsheets tonight ... so I was a little late to work ... so the kids went an hour without their bag ... so what?

I have two beautiful, healthy children ... I have a wonderful babysitter who loves them like they were family ... I have a loving and helpful husband who doesn't sweat the small stuff ... I have a kind and understanding boss who realizes that some mornings are just out of control.

The four-year-old is not sick. The one-year-old is warm. The shoes will be found. The Husband delivered the bag to the sitter.

Everyone is where they need to be and doing what they need to do. The world is an amazing place. This day is an amazing gift. All is right with the world.

Ahhh, there it is. That Calm wasn't so hard to find, after all. And it's brought a Lesson back with it:

I must work on growing my Calm, if I want to keep from misplacing it again.

After all, my Calm must be too small, if I was able to lose it among such little things this morning.

"Calm in quietude is not real calm.When you can be calm in the midst of activity,
this is the true state of nature.

Happiness in comfort is not real happiness.
When you can be happy in the midst of hardship,
then you see the true potential of the mind."
~ Huanchu Daoren

One Thing At A Time

The relative relaxation of summer is gone and I am again up to my eyeballs in publication deadlines, information requests, press releases, web updates, event planning, writing, copy editing, staff training, and the million others things that ebb and flow across my desk every day.

Some days it feels like it's all I can do to just keep my head above the waves. It's easy to start to feel overwhelmed by all the things I need to do right now.

That's when I know I need to stop. Take a breath. Focus. And do

One.
Thing.
At.
A.
Time.

I was reading/watching the other day some really interesting research about the myth of multi-tasking. Turns out, Human brains don't multi-task. They just mono-task back and forth very quickly, which is actually less efficient and more stressful then just doing ...

One.
Thing.
At.
A.
Time.

It is quite fitting that I found the link to this very interesting information about multi-tasking and the human brain on the Momma Zen blog by author Karen Maezen Miller.

Because a Buddhist priest really is the first person who would tell you that One. Thing. At. A. Time. is the only way to do anything.

I wish I had time to write more about all of this, but I have to go back to work and do about 17 things - One At A Time - before the end of the day. So, you will have to read/watch it and other fascinating facts about the human brain for yourself at Brain Rules.

Trolls and the Law of Attraction

I was recently reading a post from someone who seemed quite shocked about "all the mean people" on the Internet.

Really?

I suspect she was being just a wee bit facetious. But, it got me thinking again about the Law of Attraction - because I am not at all surprised that some people seem to attract more negative responses than others.

I try to be respectful of people and their ideas, even when those ideas are very different than my own. I find that, usually, the law of attraction prevails. If I am respectful and kind, the people I interact with - and draw to me - are also respectful and kind. If I put forth intelligent comments, I usually get intelligent conversation in return.

I've "met" many lovely, intelligent, funny and kind people online.

And then there are the trolls.

I belong to an online community: cafemom. It's a great place to interact with other moms and I've made some great cyber-friends and even a few IRL friends there. There are great conversations to be found all over cafemom.

But there are also trolls lurking under some of the bridges, too. Those folks who just like to stir up trouble for whatever reason.

They come in a variety of flavors, of course. But they are pretty easily recognizable. In fact, the clever fellow over at Flame Warriors has created a rather comprehensive catalogue of them.

Funny stuff, that.

Trolls - for whatever sad reason - think it's fun or fulfilling to push other people's buttons. You know people like this is real life, right? Well, on the Internet, their relative anonymity inspires them to even greater depths.

The most annoying are the nasty little passive-aggressive ones. They poke with their sharp little sticks then make innocent, "who me?" noises. Ick. I have more respect for the ones who act like outright bitches.

Since I, personally, have very hard-to-push buttons (unless you happen to be married to me or a blood-relative - why is it that family always push our buttons best?) trolls rarely, if ever, "get to" me.

But they do offend my sensibilities. Kind of like spiders and mosquitos. I don't bear them specific ill-will, but I don't really want like them in my personal space.

I find that ignoring trolls works remarkably well. And, when I do choose to engage one, maintaining a calm attitude can usually diffuse a situation quickly. When they can't get a rise out of you, they get bored and move on.

(This, by the way, is part of the reason for my nickname, zenmom. The other reason being my interest in Buddhism. But I maintain that I am not so much "zen" as I am "extremely rational" ... but "extremely rational mom" just doesn't have the same ring, you know?)

Anyway, back to the trolls.

I sometimes wonder at their motivation. I guess they must get some sort of satisfaction from their behavior, though I can't imagine what that would be? What pleasure is there to be found in running around tilting at random strangers on the Internet like some rabid Don Quixote? They must have very sad lives.

So, I guess the next time I run into one of these "mean people", instead of getting that eeew-there's-a-mosquito-in-the-room feeling, I should try remember that they must be very unfulfilled people, indeed. In which case, I should try to feel compassion for them.

I still plan to to ignore them. Mostly. But I will hope that one day they learn that the "secret" of finding the best in others is giving of the best of yourself.

Maybe we would all run into fewer "mean" people if we are all a little kinder to others. And if that turns out NOT to be the case, well, what have we lost by trying?

Quote Junkie: Wisdom from the Dalai Lama

If you know me, you know I am a quote a junkie. I like that they make me think.

Today, I feel like thinking on this selection of wisdom from one of my favorite Nobel Peace Prize winners, H.H. The Dalai Lama:

If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.

We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.

Human potential is the same for all. Your feeling, “I am of no value”, is wrong. Absolutely wrong. You are deceiving yourself. We all have the power of thought - so what are you lacking? If you have willpower, then you can change anything. It is usually said that you are your own master.

We must recognize that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity. That the happiness of one person or nation is the happiness of humanity.

Through violence, you may ’solve’ one problem, but you sow the seeds for another.

As people alive today, we must consider future generations: a clean environment is a human right like any other. It is therefore part of our responsibility toward others to ensure that the world we pass on is as healthy, if not healthier, than we found it.

There is a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.

The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world.

In our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess.

Responsibility does not only lie with the leaders of our countries or with those who have been appointed or elected to do a particular job. It lies with each one of us individually. Peace, for example, starts with each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us. When our community is in a state of peace, it can share that peace with neighbouring communities, and so on. When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. And there are ways in which we can consciously work to develop feelings of love and kindness. For some of us, the most effective way to do so is through religious practice. For others it may be non-religious practices. What is important is that we each make a sincere effort to take our responsibility for each other and for the natural environment we live in seriously.