No TV and no beer make Homer something something

Brace yourself, kids, I have a big confession to make:

I have no TV.

Well, to be specific, I do have a television (and great big HD LCD, in point of fact), but I have no television programming. And I haven't had it since last June, when we canceled our DirecTV subscription. Because we are too lazy not motivated enough to get a roof antenna, we don't even have "local" channels.

I know, right?! The HORROR!

But you know what?

*whispers* It's not that bad.

Wait,I know what you're thinking: How can a self-professed pop culture and scifi geek such as myself have possibly have survived so long without TV?!?!

How have I not gone all Jack Torrance and started chasing down the neighbors with an axe?! How have I managed to keep from cutting my co-workers' hearts out with spoons?! How is it that no bunnies have ended up in soup pots?

Quick, before the TV people come breaking down my door with their flashy thingies and force-feed me Retcon - let me let you in on a little secret: Between our Netflix Instant steaming video and the full-length episodes of many of my favorite shows that are available online (not to mention our own extensive DVD collection), we've hardly missed our satellite programming at all!

Sure, there are a few shows we miss. But, the truth is, we got used to the change pretty quickly.

Ha! So there, satellite TV company! Take that TV advertisers! We don't need no stinkin' TV programming! Not us! We are unplugged, man ... we are free ... we are ...

Wait, WHAT?!?!

AT&T To Cap DSL Internet Data Usage At 150GB

Guh-wha?! But I ... You can't ... I need ... What the Flagnar?! Noooooooo!

If you need me, I'll be the one in the fetal position under the coffee table frantically Googling alternative ISPs.

Zen

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair

I took a a couple of lovely walks in a couple of lovely places this weekend ... with my camera.

If that didn't bore you to death, you can check out
more photos on my Flickr Photostream.

 Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet
and the winds long to play with your hair. 

~Kahlil Gibran
 

Zen

Kid Logic: Conversations with my Kids

Borrowing a page from my pal DaddyGeekBoy today to document some of the funny and/or interesting "Wit and Wisdom" moments of my kids. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have seen some of these pearls, already.

I swear both of my boys say the most hilarious (to me, at least) things almost every day. At the time, they crack me up. And I think to myself, "I have to tell their dad (or grandparents) about that, later." But I usually forget. And then I wish I'd written them down. 

Do you ever do that? 

So, I'm using the power of social media to preserve a few of these gems for posterity. And by "posterity", I mostly mean to torture them with when they are older.

Please to enjoy ...

###

Bam-Bam, picking up my umbrella: "Does it shoots? Like da Ping-wen?"
Me: "Nope, sorry."
Bam-Bam: "Aww, man. Dat wud be bedder."

###

The week before The Super Bowl:

Me: "We'll go to the library Sunday."

The Professor: "Mommy, Sunday is a Holiday!"

Me: Huh???

The Professor: "It's Feasting and Football Day!"

Husband: *Sheepish Grin*

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The Professor: "I learned to French kiss today!"
Me: o_0
The Professor: *plants air-kisses on each side of my face*
Me: "Oh!!! That's GREAT, Sweetie!"
*ohthankyousweetbabyjeebus*

###

On the way home from the Sitter's, driving by plant nursery:

Bam-Bam: "Plants! Plants turn into pizza!"

Me: "Watched Wall-E today, didja?"

###

Bam-Bam, getting out of tub, genuinely freaked out:
"Aaaaaahhhhh! Mommy, my hands are OLD!!"

###

The Professor: "Mom, Bam-Bam is adopted."

Me: "Um, no, he's not. What makes you think that?"

The Professor: He doesn't look anything like me! Except for our skin."

Me: "Honey, what do you think 'adopted' means?"

The Professor: It means 'different'.

Me: "No. That's not what it means. C'mere and let's talk about where some babies come from ..."

###

At the dinner table:
The Professor to Bam-Bam, the finicky-eater (In a bad British accent.):
"You can't have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat."

###

Bam-Bam: I have 5 arms and swim backwards! What am I?

Me: Um, a squid?

Bam-Bam: A michelinoceras!

(Yeah. I had to look it up, too. Thank you, DinosaurTrain.)

###

6yo: Know who I love best? You, Mommy ... And Gaga (Grandma) ...
Me: Awww.
6yo: Oh, and the Yo-Yo guy! (who performed at his school last week.) He's awesome!
Me: Ah.

### 

What funny things have the kids in your life spouted off lately?

Zen

Yes. This.

"A problem is just a problem because we think of it that way. Stuff happens. If we don’t like the stuff, we label it a problem and try to jam the world back into the way it was going before. If we do like the stuff, we label it an opportunity and try to take advantage of it. The difference between a problem and an opportunity is what we do with it, not what it is to begin with." ~ Stever Robinson, The Get-It-Done Guy

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you

Seems like every time I read a news article lately, that little spot right between my shoulder blades starts to tighten up and I find myself clenching my teeth. Gee, I wonder why ...

• Members of Congress are trying to do an end-run around a woman's right to choose when and how to reproduce by cutting Federal funding for Planned Parenthood, which, by the way, offers a hell of a lot of necessary health services for a hell of a lot of women who might not otherwise have access to them.
• On a similar front, legislators in Nebraska and Georgia have apparently lost their ever-lovin' minds and are trying to pass laws that 1) Make miscarriage a crime, punishable by the death penalty, and 2) Make murder of an abortion provider defensible as a "justifiable homicide". Then there's the Federal "Protect Life Act" that would allow hospitals to refuse to perform emergency abortions -- even if the woman would die without one. What kills me is that these people sincerely do not see the irony in the fact that they call themselves "Pro-Life".
• Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee is throwing Straw Men into the ring with his comparison of abortion to slavery, claiming that a woman's right to choose to have an abortion or not is analogous to a slaver having the power of life and death over a slave. Nice try, Mike. But an embryo is not a person, it's a group of cells with the potential to become a person. By that logic, if you donate an ovum, you're guilty of human trafficking? But if you're so concerned about it, maybe you could take some time out of your campaign schedule to address the real and ongoing issues of forced prostitution and human trafficking that are still happening in our country every single day?
• And then there's this Canadian judge who needs to be taken into a dark alley to be pawed and penetrated by a 250 pound drunk and then see if he still thinks rape can be explained away as "misunderstood signals and inconsiderate behaviour," excusable if the rapist is "insensitive to the fact (she) was not a willing participant."
• He must be having drinks at the boys' club with the politicians who thought it would be a good idea to specify that federal funding can only be used for abortions resulting from "forcible" rape. You know, as opposed to the enjoyable kind.

Is it any wonder that I'm feeling a little defensive, lately?

I hate politics. I don't usually have really strong feelings about "party" associations. I do lean to the left on most social issues. But, in general, I also agree with Mark Twain that most politicians are idiots, regardless of party affiliation.

But given the increase in outright attacks on women's rights and women's issues coming primarily from the right side of the aisle recently, I'm really not loving the Republican Party these days.

In fact, I'm starting to feel a bit like the proverbial moose in the GOP's helicopter lights. *BLAM*

I dunno about you, but my head's not going to be mounted in someone's den without a fight.

Dear Republican Party:
Screw you, too, you misogynistic SOBs. 
Bring it on,
Zen

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Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
~ Pericles (430 BC)

You bring the bullets, I'll bring the wine

I've occasionally been accused of having a bit of a bite to my sense of humor. So, it's not really a surprise that my take on Valentine's Day has, in the past, been just a smidge on the sick-and-twisted side.

Let the tradition continue:

 

 

And, finally, because a ZenMom Valentine's Day post is just not complete without Zombies ...

Be Mine,
Zen


P.S. Trooper Thorn over at Dogs and Jeans has a V-Day post I can get behind. ;)

* Images blatantly borrowed from the devilishly brilliant WrongCards and Someecards.

** Post Title: Bullets, byBob Schneider

On context, the importance thereof

One of the guys in my Kenpo class works at a Starbucks just down the street from my office. I stop in there on my way to work at least once a week for my morning coffee and we usually chat for a minute or two about class. It only occurred to me this morning that my conversations with this handsome, 22-year-old classmate might sound a bit ... odd ... to the random bystander:

"So, feeling a little sore this morning?" 

"Oh, not bad. But you really worked me over last night!"

"That was a lot of fun, huh?"

"Oh yeah, you really nailed that one move."

"Sorry if I hurt you."

"No worries. I'll make you pay for it when I get my hands on you tomorrow night!" 

D'oh!

No WONDER that woman in line was staring at us!

Blushing,
Zen