The Scent of a Woman

I don't wear perfume.

Never really have. I don't even like heavily scented soaps or shampoo. In fact, I usually go out of my way to buy "unscented' products of all kinds - from laundry detergent to cleaning products to personal toiletries.

This is mostly because I'm very sensitive to smells of all kinds - some scents can actually trigger a migraine headache for me. (Red onion, for example. Gets me every time. It's weird, I know, but, there it is.)

Plus, when it comes to toiletries, I think the natural smell of a clean, healthy person is preferable to just about anything else.

But I have two exceptions to this rule:

1) The ZenHusband has recently started using Axe soap and deodorant.

Mmmm. You know those commercials where the women are falling all over themselves to get at the guy who's wearing the Axe product? Yeah, I laughed at those, too. I'm not laughing now. That stuff smells awesome. Like, OMG-let's-get-a-sitter-tonight awesome. So, yeah, he'll be getting some more of that in his Christmas stocking this year. :)

2) I do, occasionally, like to indulge in a lightly scented lotion or soap or bubble bath for myself. But I'm picky. I like light, clean smells - I usually stick with a citrus or vanilla base - nothing floral or overly sweet. And it has to be a very mild scent - just a little hint of something extra, not an overwhelming cover up.

Enter the temptation that is Bath and Body Works.

I used to go there all the time, but I hadn't been in ages. Then, this weekend, they sucked me in with their buy-two-get-one-free promotion and $5 specials.

So, I went in thinking I'd get some lotion or bubble bath and left with:

• Coconut Lime Verbena Anti-Bacterial Hand Cream
• Black Rasberry Vanilla Body Lotion
• White Citrus Shower Gel, and
• Sensual Amber Body Lotion

Not sure if I'm going to like that last one. Might be too strong for me. We'll see.

So, I'm looking forward to trying these out. But, sampling the different scents in the shop got me thinking about the amazing power of the sense of smell.

Smell is one of the strongest triggers of memory and emotion. And it seems like everyone has "good" and "bad" triggers. So, I'm always curious about the different types of scents that mean and do different things for different people.

Campfire smoke, chlorine, gunpowder, ocean, coffee, cloves, horses ... these scents all have strong associations for me, meanings and memories beyond simple smells.

Smells can change moods, trigger physical responses, transport us through time. It's an incredibly powerful sense. And we take it so much for granted.

I know someone who actually lost his sense of smell after a head injury. I know. Of all of the senses to lose, that would be the preferred one, right? He jokes that it makes being a father of two boys easier.

But, still. Think about it. No smell of fresh cut grass or impending rain, no barbecue or baby powder, no baking pies or pine trees ... how dull would your life be without the smells - good and bad - we take for granted every day?

###

How about you? Do you have specific scents you prefer for yourself or your significant other? Scents you find appealing? Scents you avoid? Scents that bring back memories or change your mood?

Kid Logic: On girls

Four-year-old Minion: "Mommy, who can I invite to my birthday party?"

Me: "Well, who do you want to invite to your birthday party?"

Ticking them off on his fingers: "Ashton and Bryce and Theo and Mitchell and Boy Riley and ... Girl Riley, too. She freaks me out."

Me, with the classic double-take: "Wait. She does what?"

Minion, matter-of-factly: "She freaks me out. That's what girls do. They freak boys out."


My kid. The Genius.

When you're there, I sleep lengthwise. And when you're gone, I sleep diagonal in my bed.

My husband is out of town tonight.

I don't sleep well when he's gone.

Oh, where is the ZenHusband, you ask? He's at a Phish concert at Shoreline with friends. That was half of his birthday present from me. The other half was tickets to Phish's three-day festival in Indio over Halloween weekend.

Why, yes, I am the best wife, ever. Thank you. ;)

So, tonight while The ZenHusband is partying in the parking lot and rockin' it in his awesome floor seats, I will be sleeping diagonal in our bed.

Am I the only one who sleeps poorly when their significant other is gone?

Normally, I'm in bed by 10 or 11 and asleep just moments after my head hits the pillow. I sleep soundly. I dream. I wake rested.

But when I'm alone, I tend to stay up much later than usual - reading or watching TV or playing on the interwebs or the Xbox - because our cozy, comfy bed seems so much less inviting when it's empty.

And I sleep so lightly - waking at the even the smallest sound from the kids room or the street - knowing, even in my sleep, that I'm the only one there to take care of things. I toss and turn like I never do when the other side of the bed is full.

It was a little better when we had a dog.

Our beloved Dalmatian, Patch, passed away last year. But, for the eight-plus years before that, I used to let Patch sleep on the foot of the bed whenever the ZenHusband was out of town. I would tuck my feet under his 90+ pounds of doggy muscle and sleep more soundly.

(Shhh! Don't tell The ZenHusband! He's a no-pets-on-the-bed guy. Patch knew he was never allowed on the bed - unless Daddy was gone. And then he'd hop right up in "his" place as soon as I'd go to the bedroom. Smart boy. Geez, I miss that dog.)

Dogless now, I'm more likely to have a toddler wander in for cuddles in the middle of the night. That's okay, too. Just like Patch, they know that when Daddy's gone, Mommy is more likely to let them stay in her bed for a while.

So, tonight, I will make a "fun" dinner for me and the Minions (I'm thinking Mickey Mouse pancakes), tuck them into their beds by myself, and then stay awake in my unusually quiet house until I am too tired to keep my eyes open anymore.

Then I will finally put on one of The ZenHusband's 5 million t-shirts - maybe this one in keeping with the evening's theme. Then I will cuddle up to one of his pillows in lieu of his warm body, and sleep. Lightly.

In the morning, I'll be tired. I'll run around getting the kids and myself out the door without any help. And I'll drink even more coffee than usual to get through the day.

And I'll be all the more appreciative of my ZenHusband when he finally comes home. :)


What about you? Do you sleep "differently" when you're alone?

*Art Credits:
Rift, Phish
"A Woman Sleeping" by Rembrandt

Let's talk about sex

TMI WARNING: If you are related to me, you probably don't want to read this. Yeah, In fact, it's best if you don't. How about if you go read one of these today, instead, yeah?

No, seriously.

Why are you still here? Shooo!





Are they gone?

Okay.

Let's talk about Sex.


It seems like several of my friends - male and female - have complained to me recently about the quality or quantity of their sex lives.

When they do, I always ask the same question: "Have you talked to your partner about that?"

And I'm constantly surprised at how often the answer is, "No".

Newsflash: Sex is not rocket science. If you are in a long-term relationship and having "bad" sex: You are probably at least 50 percent to blame.

No, seriously. Own it, dude.

Because I'm a helper and a giver, I'm going to share a little (not-so) secret with you. So gather round and listen very carefully boys and girls, because this is the truest truism about sex that has ever been written:

Communication is almost always the key to better sex.

What? Don't give me that look! I told you it wasn't rocket science. It's bloody freaking simple: Communicate. Cooperate. Enjoy.

I know. Duh, right?

But, still, so many people don't do it!

I know that I have a tendency to be pretty blunt and up-front - yeah, it's maybe not my most endearing trait. But, I just prefer to come right out and say what I think in most situations and on most subjects.

And that includes OMG s-e-x. I'm pretty open on the subject - within certain social limits, of course. I mean, I don't run around bringing up the subject with strangers (Heh, unless this blog post counts?) or my boss or my grandmother or anything like that.

But with my friends - and certainly with my husband! - there's very little that is off-limits.

If I don't want to talk about a subject: I'll tell you. But if I do want to talk about it, I'm going to just talk about it straight. I'm not going to - if you'll excuse the expression - beat around the bush.

So, I have a really hard time understanding my friends - and, yes, it's mostly (but not entirely) women - who will talk to ME about their sex life, but NOT to their significant other.

Seriously? You're doing it with him, but you can't talk to him about it?!

What's that about?

So, these women (and men, too) are unsatisfied or unhappy or bored with their sex lives, and their SOs are either totally clueless, or, worse, they know something's not right, but not exactly what or how to "fix" it.

Geez, people. Do you expect your partner to be a mind-reader?

Despite what Playboy, porn and romance novels would have you believe - there are very few "naturals" at this sort of thing.

Guys: Girls don't really learn the tips and tricks of how to please a man at college sleepovers in between naked pillow fights. You're going to need to let her know what you like and what you don't.

Ladies: Your man studied long hours just to figure out how to get your bra off. Cut him some slack and be willing to help him out with the activities that have a higher degree of difficulty, huh?

Sex is a team sport and coaching is not only allowed - it's mandatory. And, don't forget, practice makes perfect.

Of course, not all communication is verbal. And you don't have to sit down and have an intervention to make small changes.

A well-timed moan, a guiding hand, a shift of position, or other non-verbal coaching can go a long way to letting your partner know what you like or don't like. As can being more open to his or her non-verbal cues, too.

And after? Praise the good parts. You might be surprised how well a simple "Wow, Babe, I really loved it when you ... " can inspire a repeat performance.

Best case scenario: Don't wait for a "problem" to talk about sex with your partner. Even if you are perfectly happy, it's still a good idea to communicate about these things. Hey, there's always room for improvement, right?

But, if - heavens forbid - your partner is not rockin' your socks off in the bedroom (or on the floor, or in the shower, or on the kitchen counter, or in the backyard ... whatever), please for-the-love-of-Pete: TELL him or her!

Odds are good that (s)he'll want to know. And will be happy to hear what (s)he can do to make things better for you both. And, hopefully, will be eager to share his/her ideas on the subject, too. Because, trust me, you're not perfect, either.

Even if you don't know for sure what you want or need, that's fine. Talk about that and explore new ideas together.

Yeah, okay: You probably do need to be a little less blunt and a little more ... diplomatic ... than I have a tendency to be. So as not to damage any egos. But, I can almost guarantee that just talking about it will help kick up the heat all by itself for most couples.

Thus endeth the sermon.

But, hey, that's just my opinion on the subject. Ladies? Gentlemen? Any dissenting opinions or supporting evidence on the subject?

Just Keep Swimming

Nothing to see here.

I have no amusing anecdotes. No insightful observations. Not even a dirty limerick.

I could offer you a crudely drawn picture of a twister and a cow, compliments of my four-year-old? No?

Well, in that case, might I suggest that you find some witty, moving or interesting blogger to entertain you today - there are several in my sidebar that I'd recommend - 'cuz I got nothin'.

Because the ZenMom is just up to her ass in alligators this week and just can't spare any energy for blogging.

And even if I did have the energy, you wouldn't be interested in reading about the kind of stuff on my mind lately. It's pretty damn boring.

I mean, really, do you want to hear about how my co-workers are systematically trying to drive me insane? (Seriously, if you come to me for direction and then do the exact opposite of what I recommend, how much freakin' sympathy do you think I'm going to have for you when you come back to me holding your cocked-up project in your hand like a kid with a dead bird asking me to "fix it"?)

Or about how we've been fighting an algae infection in my pool that's so bad the kids have started calling it "Shrek's Swamp"?

Or about how the door handle to the kid's room got broken and the door got stuck closed and the ZenHusband finally had to break in through the window and cut the handle off with Skill Saw to get it open?

Or about how my house has been under siege by an army of freakishly intelligent and fiendishly determined black ants all freaking summer?

Or about how I'm desperately looking for a new doctor because I think it is the height of absurdity to have to sit in a waiting room for two freaking hours just to spend 60 seconds with the doctor and then get a script for the same damned meds he gives me every freaking time I've gotten an upper respiratory infection for the last ten years, instead of him just calling the damn thing in every once in a while?

Or about how Minion 1 has suddenly outgrown all of his clothes and started peppering his speech with "dammit" and "freaking" (Yeah, that's all on me. Mom of the Year. Right here, baby.)

Or about how I'm stressing about Minion 1 starting kindergarten next ... OMG - It's only TWO WEEKS away?!?! And I how I'm still trying to get him into the school of my choice and don't yet know how that's going to work out? And might not know for sure until the day before school starts?

Or about how Minion 2 - who is apparently part mountain goat (on his father's side, I presume) - has started climbing up onto everything, including his brother's bunk bed, his clothes dresser, his bookshelf, the dining table, the back of the couch, the bathroom counter, and anything with wheels?

Or about how Minion 2 has decided to stop taking naps, and so by about 6 p.m. every night he's wound up like a rabid squirrel? On speed. In a race car. Inside of a tornado.

Or about how both of the Minions seem to have decided this week that dinner should be optional unless Mom and Dad serve as their personal short-order cooks? (Which, for the record, ain't gonna happen, folks.)

Or about how every time I sit down to write, some great catastrophe occurs - like a broken toy or a bruised knee or the ubiquitous cry of "Noooo, I had it fiiiiirst! Mommmmmmyyyyyyy!"

No? Not interested in any of that? Didn't think so.

Move along, then.

Come back next week and I shall endeavor to be witty and charming.

If you brought some wine back with you, that might help.

Grace

I am not graceful. But I know it when I see it.

When I was young, my dad used to say I was the only person he knew who could trip on the cracks in linoleum.

More often than not, my head was in the clouds and my nose was in a book. I paid little attention to where I was putting my feet. Which helps to explain some of those trips to the emergency room.

I'm a klutz. I trip, I fall, I bang into things, I bump my head. I bruise my skin.

Yeah. I'm pretty much the polar opposite of physical grace.

I've always admired the physical grace of athletes and dancers and the like.

But Iive discovered there are many forms of grace

In my former life as a reporter, I met

a man who was paralyzed from the neck down in a childhood accident, but who created the most beautiful pen-and-ink drawings by holding a pen in his mouth. And I saw the grace in his love of life and his ability to see beauty in unexpected places.

I've done ride-alongs with firefighters and paramedics and police officers who risk thier lives for the safety of others. And I saw the grace in their courage and their love of their calling.

I've met doctors who have turned away from "easy" practices to bring desperately needed medical care and supplies to poverty-sticken people for whom those services literally mean life and death. And I see the grace in his unwavering dedication to caring for others and his refusal of any rewards or recognition.

I've met teachers who have "adopted" a school in poorest rural Africa and whose donations of money, clothes, bikes, and school supplies are the only thing supporting the education of an entire village of children.

These people all have within them a grace and style that shone so brightly and, truly, humbles me.

They show me - and everyone else they com into contact with - that grace is not about dancing on toes or putting a ball in a basket ... it's about compassion and selflessness and little, consistent, unnecessary kindnesses.

Perhaps there is hope for me yet.


Photos: Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly,

Your Life in Song: Barenaked Ladies

MEME: Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to some of your friends and include me. You can't use the band I used, or I kick you in the shins. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think. Be sure to use the artist/band's name as the subject of your note

Are you a male or female:
"I'll Be That Girl"

Describe yourself:
"It's Only Me"

How do you feel:
"Some Fantastic"

Describe where you currently live:
"Hello City"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Take it Outside"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"In the Car"

Your best friend is:
"Thanks, That Was Fun"

You and your best friends are:
"Make My Heart Fly"

What's the weather like:
"Hidden Sun"

Favorite time of day:
"Go Home"

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called:
"The Humor of the Situation"

What is life to you:
"I Live With It Everyday"

Your fear:
"This is Where it Ends"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Wrap Your Arms Around Me"

Thought for the day:
"Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!"

How I would like to die:
"When You Dream"

My soul's present condition:
"Unfinished"

My motto:
"I Can, I Will, I Do"