If you know me, you know I am a quote a junkie. I like that they make me think.
Today, I feel like thinking on this selection of wisdom from one of my favorite Nobel Peace Prize winners, H.H. The Dalai Lama:
If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.
We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.
We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.
Human potential is the same for all. Your feeling, “I am of no value”, is wrong. Absolutely wrong. You are deceiving yourself. We all have the power of thought - so what are you lacking? If you have willpower, then you can change anything. It is usually said that you are your own master.
We must recognize that the suffering of one person or one nation is the suffering of humanity. That the happiness of one person or nation is the happiness of humanity.
Through violence, you may ’solve’ one problem, but you sow the seeds for another.
As people alive today, we must consider future generations: a clean environment is a human right like any other. It is therefore part of our responsibility toward others to ensure that the world we pass on is as healthy, if not healthier, than we found it.
There is a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.
The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world.
In our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess.
Responsibility does not only lie with the leaders of our countries or with those who have been appointed or elected to do a particular job. It lies with each one of us individually. Peace, for example, starts with each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us. When our community is in a state of peace, it can share that peace with neighbouring communities, and so on. When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. And there are ways in which we can consciously work to develop feelings of love and kindness. For some of us, the most effective way to do so is through religious practice. For others it may be non-religious practices. What is important is that we each make a sincere effort to take our responsibility for each other and for the natural environment we live in seriously.
*Mostly Harmless
23 July 2008
22 July 2008
Labels
I don't like labels.
Well, I like them on my cans and bottles and boxes.
But not on people.
For groceries, labels are great. They give me a lot of useful information and help me make decisions.
For people, they are mostly barriers. They get in between us and make it hard to see each other.
I understand why we use them. Labels can be useful. They can help us to quickly and efficiently communicate information about ourselves to each other. But no label is ever going to accurately and completely describe most people.
I think that - as a culture - we are much too quick to try to fit everyone into convenient little boxes of our own experience.
We label - she's a mom ... he's conservative ... she's Hispanic ... he's gay - and because we know that one thing about a person, we assume other things. And then all of our interactions are colored by those assumptions.
Most people don't fit neatly into the box of our preconceptions. And by slapping a label on someone and leaving it at that, you limit your ability to really get to know them.
You might be a Christian or a Buddhist or an atheist. You might be a teacher or a taxi driver or a Leo. You might be overweight or blond or deaf or vegan. You might have migraines or a tattoo or cancer. You might be a step-parent, a widow, a firefighter, a geek.
But those things are not who you ARE. Those are just bits and pieces of a much bigger picture. You are more than that. You are complex and mysterious and beautiful. Don't sell yourself - or others - short.
If we limit our identities to one - or even a combination - of our myriad labels, we only limit how well we can really know each other.
Before you decide you know who someone is because she is a christian, a southerner, a veteran, a democrat, a stay-at-home mom, etc. ... stop a minute. Peel up that label. Look underneath. Maybe there's someone under there worth knowing.
If you just read the dust jacket and think you know the whole story, you might just be missing out on something really interesting between the pages.
Real people are so much more complex. At least most of them are.
That guy over there might be just a Rosencrantz or a Guildenstern from your perspective. But he is the star of his own story. Maybe if you take a few minutes to learn more about him than just his label ... you might enrich your story.
Well, I like them on my cans and bottles and boxes.
But not on people.
For groceries, labels are great. They give me a lot of useful information and help me make decisions.
For people, they are mostly barriers. They get in between us and make it hard to see each other.
I understand why we use them. Labels can be useful. They can help us to quickly and efficiently communicate information about ourselves to each other. But no label is ever going to accurately and completely describe most people.
I think that - as a culture - we are much too quick to try to fit everyone into convenient little boxes of our own experience.
We label - she's a mom ... he's conservative ... she's Hispanic ... he's gay - and because we know that one thing about a person, we assume other things. And then all of our interactions are colored by those assumptions.
Most people don't fit neatly into the box of our preconceptions. And by slapping a label on someone and leaving it at that, you limit your ability to really get to know them.
You might be a Christian or a Buddhist or an atheist. You might be a teacher or a taxi driver or a Leo. You might be overweight or blond or deaf or vegan. You might have migraines or a tattoo or cancer. You might be a step-parent, a widow, a firefighter, a geek.
But those things are not who you ARE. Those are just bits and pieces of a much bigger picture. You are more than that. You are complex and mysterious and beautiful. Don't sell yourself - or others - short.
If we limit our identities to one - or even a combination - of our myriad labels, we only limit how well we can really know each other.
Before you decide you know who someone is because she is a christian, a southerner, a veteran, a democrat, a stay-at-home mom, etc. ... stop a minute. Peel up that label. Look underneath. Maybe there's someone under there worth knowing.
If you just read the dust jacket and think you know the whole story, you might just be missing out on something really interesting between the pages.
Real people are so much more complex. At least most of them are.
That guy over there might be just a Rosencrantz or a Guildenstern from your perspective. But he is the star of his own story. Maybe if you take a few minutes to learn more about him than just his label ... you might enrich your story.
21 July 2008
Scars
I have a fabulous marriage. But, like everybody else, I had "failed" relationships before I made the right match.
Except they weren't "failures". Not at all.
They all ended, yes. And some ended badly. But that doesn't mean they were failures. And it doesn't mean they were wastes of time. Just the opposite, in fact. If it were not for those early relationships, I would not be who I am or where I am today.
I learned a lot about life and love and ME from those "failures".
Some of those lessons were beautiful - like little whispers of happy wisdom laid gently into my psyche. And some tore my heart open, leaving scar tissue that changed my whole perception.
But I'm thankful for both kinds.
I'm thankful for the high school crush who was my first experience with that heart-racing rush of infatuation. He left me breathless and taught me that boys that age are fun, but irresponsible. And that girls that age are over-dramatic. And that love is not really about breathlessness and drama.
I'm so thankful for my first "real" love, who was - before, during and after our brief romance - a true friend. He taught me that love can be playful and tender. And that, when romantic loves ends, it is possible for it to evolve into something even better.
I'm thankful for the college lover who taught me so much about passion ... including the painful lesson that passion alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
I'm thankful for the ones who showed me my own boundaries - the places I would and would not go for love.
I'm thankful for my platonic men friends. They taught me that not every relationship with the opposite sex has to be about sex or romance. I especially appreciate the few men friends I have with whom I can joke and flirt and be myself without worrying they might take things the wrong way.
I'm thankful for the ones who taught me that sometimes men can be sweet and charming and nice ... and still break your heart.
That's a tough lesson to learn: That not everyone who hurts you is evil. Sometimes there is no "bad guy" ... just very bad decisions.
I think I might be most thankful for the men who hurt me. Who used me. Who lied to me. Who cheated on me. Who betrayed my trust. They helped me realize some of the most valuable lessons of all.
Between them, all of these men taught me balance. The balance between protecting your heart and opening your heart to the possibilities of love. And they taught me to recognize what love IS and what love ISN'T.
And those lessons paid off for me: I am now married to the love of my life and I couldn't be happier.
I could have walked away from these "failed" relationships learning nothing ... or learning the wrong things. I could have become jaded. I could have fostered hatred in my heart. I could have given in to despair or anger. I could look back with regret.
But I chose - and continue to choose - to see the good. To be thankful.
Even for the scars.
Except they weren't "failures". Not at all.
They all ended, yes. And some ended badly. But that doesn't mean they were failures. And it doesn't mean they were wastes of time. Just the opposite, in fact. If it were not for those early relationships, I would not be who I am or where I am today.
I learned a lot about life and love and ME from those "failures".
Some of those lessons were beautiful - like little whispers of happy wisdom laid gently into my psyche. And some tore my heart open, leaving scar tissue that changed my whole perception.
But I'm thankful for both kinds.
I'm thankful for the high school crush who was my first experience with that heart-racing rush of infatuation. He left me breathless and taught me that boys that age are fun, but irresponsible. And that girls that age are over-dramatic. And that love is not really about breathlessness and drama.
I'm so thankful for my first "real" love, who was - before, during and after our brief romance - a true friend. He taught me that love can be playful and tender. And that, when romantic loves ends, it is possible for it to evolve into something even better.
I'm thankful for the college lover who taught me so much about passion ... including the painful lesson that passion alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
I'm thankful for the ones who showed me my own boundaries - the places I would and would not go for love.
I'm thankful for my platonic men friends. They taught me that not every relationship with the opposite sex has to be about sex or romance. I especially appreciate the few men friends I have with whom I can joke and flirt and be myself without worrying they might take things the wrong way.
I'm thankful for the ones who taught me that sometimes men can be sweet and charming and nice ... and still break your heart.
That's a tough lesson to learn: That not everyone who hurts you is evil. Sometimes there is no "bad guy" ... just very bad decisions.
I think I might be most thankful for the men who hurt me. Who used me. Who lied to me. Who cheated on me. Who betrayed my trust. They helped me realize some of the most valuable lessons of all.
Between them, all of these men taught me balance. The balance between protecting your heart and opening your heart to the possibilities of love. And they taught me to recognize what love IS and what love ISN'T.
And those lessons paid off for me: I am now married to the love of my life and I couldn't be happier.
I could have walked away from these "failed" relationships learning nothing ... or learning the wrong things. I could have become jaded. I could have fostered hatred in my heart. I could have given in to despair or anger. I could look back with regret.
But I chose - and continue to choose - to see the good. To be thankful.
Even for the scars.
18 July 2008
Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics
This is a public service announcement:
Here, I'll help. This is one good online resource for debunking urban myths: http://www.snopes.com/
There are others.
As a former newspaper reporter, I find myself lamenting what I see as a sad decline in American journalism. In J-school, I was taught that it was the job of the reporter to be accurate, complete and unbiased. I don't see that much anymore.
I could write a whole dissertation on the cause and effect of the decline of those journalistic values. One of the key factors, though, is that the news is increasingly complex and people's attention spans are increasingly short.
And then there is the web. Today, anyone with a modem can publish "news". The end result is that the consumer needs to take more and more personal responsibility for being an informed citizen.
Which is bad. Because so many people are lazy. And it's easier to just take what we are being fed rather than go out and hunt down the truth for ourselves.
Just because you read it on the Internet doesn't mean it's true.
Just because your sister's husband's friend's cousin forwards an email doesn't mean it's accurate.
Just because someone wrote about it in their blog doesn't mean it's the whole story.
Seriously, people need to read more critically. Check your sources. Do a tiny bit of research. In most case, it only takes a few minutes to confirm the validity of that email from Aunt Martha.Here, I'll help. This is one good online resource for debunking urban myths: http://www.snopes.com/
There are others.
As a former newspaper reporter, I find myself lamenting what I see as a sad decline in American journalism. In J-school, I was taught that it was the job of the reporter to be accurate, complete and unbiased. I don't see that much anymore.
I could write a whole dissertation on the cause and effect of the decline of those journalistic values. One of the key factors, though, is that the news is increasingly complex and people's attention spans are increasingly short.
And then there is the web. Today, anyone with a modem can publish "news". The end result is that the consumer needs to take more and more personal responsibility for being an informed citizen.
Which is bad. Because so many people are lazy. And it's easier to just take what we are being fed rather than go out and hunt down the truth for ourselves.
It's the web-news phenomenon that concerns me most, I think. All you have to do is Google a few keywords to pull up several "articles" on any hot topic.
The problem is that too many web-surfers just blindly accept the first "news" they find on a subject without even considering the source and it's possible biases. Or worse, they seek out their favorite "news" source - which is a group or organization that shares their own bias and agenda.
I know that it is getting harder and harder to find unbiased news sources. In fact, I find that the "truth" is usually to be found hiding somewhere between the rhetoric on each side.
But I wish more people would TRY to be informed consumers. Be a skeptical reader. Find independent confirmation. Look at more than one side of an issue. Take responsibility rather than just taking as gospel whatever the television - or computer - shows you.
I am so tired of the emails that further urban myths and political propaganda and intentional misinformation. It's sad how many things I've seen just THIS WEEK that were outright lies.
I'm appalled at how many sheeple out there don't even bother to THINK before they just blithely pass things along. If it matches their preconceptions and sounds even remotely plausible, they just hit "forward".
Criminitly, people. Have some pride. If you are going to put your name on something, make sure it's accurate and not just convenient.
17 July 2008
It's not easy being green
I sometimes think I must be the only person in my entire town who uses re-usable shopping bags, judging by the responses of local store clerks.
The other day, I stopped to pick up a few items at Wal-Mart. I gave the clerk my little shopping bag and asked her to please put my items in it. After she finished giving me the deer-in-headlights look that I've come to expect, she took the bag.
I busied myself with getting my wallet, giving the baby a snack cracker, keeping my toddler from running off, getting my wallet out of my purse, etc. while she was ringing up the items.
I paid for my purchases and reached for my bag ... to find that she had put my items into plastic bags and then out the plastic bags into my reusable shopping bag.
guh-wha???
I was speechless. Really. It was my turn for the deer-in-headlights look. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be so, so, sad.
I know. Some people are going to say that's what I get for shopping at Wal-Mart. But - while this was an extreme example - I swear I get funny looks and responses all the time when I pull out my "green" bags.
This is what I get for living in uber-conservative-ville. I know Californians have a reputation for being liberal. But I think I live in the most "right"- socially and politically - area of the entire left coast.
When I am in San Francisco or Sacramento or even some areas in SoCal, nobody looks at me funny for trying to be a more "green" consumer. In fact, my favorite stores EXPECT me to bring my own bag. And they don't look at me funny when I ask whether a product is organic or was made in China or was grown locally.
But, around here, people look at you like you've just grown a second head if you do those things. And if you start talking about carbon footprints or environmental responsibility, they back away slowly ... like "crazy liberal hippie chick" is contagious. Sometimes, I wish it was.
I'm not the "greenest" person out there. But I try to do little things in my home and my life that are healthy for my family and our world. And around here that makes me a little green fish out of water.
And I swear sometimes I feel like I am being strangled by the uber-right mentality of my town. Politics, religion, the environment, civil rights ... I am usually the minority opinion on just about every social topic around here. It's usually just not even worth it to have the conversation.
*sigh*
There are a lot of great things about my town. But, somedays, I just ACHE to move somewhere where the people are just a little bit more ... like me.
The other day, I stopped to pick up a few items at Wal-Mart. I gave the clerk my little shopping bag and asked her to please put my items in it. After she finished giving me the deer-in-headlights look that I've come to expect, she took the bag.
I busied myself with getting my wallet, giving the baby a snack cracker, keeping my toddler from running off, getting my wallet out of my purse, etc. while she was ringing up the items.
I paid for my purchases and reached for my bag ... to find that she had put my items into plastic bags and then out the plastic bags into my reusable shopping bag.
guh-wha???
I was speechless. Really. It was my turn for the deer-in-headlights look. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be so, so, sad.
I know. Some people are going to say that's what I get for shopping at Wal-Mart. But - while this was an extreme example - I swear I get funny looks and responses all the time when I pull out my "green" bags.
This is what I get for living in uber-conservative-ville. I know Californians have a reputation for being liberal. But I think I live in the most "right"- socially and politically - area of the entire left coast.
When I am in San Francisco or Sacramento or even some areas in SoCal, nobody looks at me funny for trying to be a more "green" consumer. In fact, my favorite stores EXPECT me to bring my own bag. And they don't look at me funny when I ask whether a product is organic or was made in China or was grown locally.
But, around here, people look at you like you've just grown a second head if you do those things. And if you start talking about carbon footprints or environmental responsibility, they back away slowly ... like "crazy liberal hippie chick" is contagious. Sometimes, I wish it was.
I'm not the "greenest" person out there. But I try to do little things in my home and my life that are healthy for my family and our world. And around here that makes me a little green fish out of water.
And I swear sometimes I feel like I am being strangled by the uber-right mentality of my town. Politics, religion, the environment, civil rights ... I am usually the minority opinion on just about every social topic around here. It's usually just not even worth it to have the conversation.
*sigh*
There are a lot of great things about my town. But, somedays, I just ACHE to move somewhere where the people are just a little bit more ... like me.
15 July 2008
Five things
Five random things I've done that other people probably haven't:
1) Been on a game show.
I was a contestant on "Win Ben Stein's Money" on Comedy Central. It was a lot of fun. I beat the other contestants to earn the chance to go up against Ben "mano-a-mano" in the "Best of Ten Test of Knowledge". Ben - super smarty pants that he is - beat me by two questions. But I had a blast :)
2) Worked as a newspaper reporter
My degree is in journalism and I worked as a professional newspaper reporter for 5 years.
3) Participated in archery competitions.
My dad taught my brother and me how to shoot when we were kids. We competed in some tournaments and such when I was in junior high/high school.
4) Broke my leg running from a werewolf
My second date with a guy I knew in college: He surprised me by taking me to local "haunted forest" attraction where people in spooky costumes jump out at you randomly. Little did he know that having spooky things jump out at me is pretty high on my least-favorite-things list.
But I was a trooper. I got a death grip on his arm, pressed myself up against him so tight you couldn't see light between us (hmmm, that was probably part of his plan, eh?), clenched my teeth and braved the spooks.
About a 1/4 of the way through, a werewolf jumps out of a bush right next to me. I scream, jump backwards, trip over a root ... and hear an ominous snapping sound as I hit the ground.
They carried me out of the forest, whisked me off in an ambulance to the nearest emergency room, and declared that I had broken a bone in my ankle. Ouch. I never did see the rest of the haunted forest. But the werewolf came to visit me at the emergency room. :)
5) Been inside a burning building - on purpose
When I was a reporter, one of my favorite stories was one I did about the local fire academy. The Fire Captain heading the course let me spend a bit of time "shadowing" the fire cadets, including doing a "live burn" exercise with them.
I got all suited - turnouts, boots, helmet, mask, air tank, etc. - and "fought fire" alongside the cadets. Of course, being a "civilian", I had my own personal firefighter chaperone right next to me the whole time. But it was still a pretty amazing experience.
We were actually in the living room of the (abandoned) house when they set it on fire. We crouched down and breathed through our respirators as we observed how the fire traveled - fast! - through the house. Then, once the smoke filled the room so thick we could barely see each other, we all crawled out of the burning building. Outside, I got to help man a hose as we learned how and where to best attack the fire.
I was sweaty and dirty and I smelled like char and smoke for a week. But it was a really interesting and unique experience.
1) Been on a game show.
I was a contestant on "Win Ben Stein's Money" on Comedy Central. It was a lot of fun. I beat the other contestants to earn the chance to go up against Ben "mano-a-mano" in the "Best of Ten Test of Knowledge". Ben - super smarty pants that he is - beat me by two questions. But I had a blast :)
2) Worked as a newspaper reporter
My degree is in journalism and I worked as a professional newspaper reporter for 5 years.
3) Participated in archery competitions.
My dad taught my brother and me how to shoot when we were kids. We competed in some tournaments and such when I was in junior high/high school.
4) Broke my leg running from a werewolf
My second date with a guy I knew in college: He surprised me by taking me to local "haunted forest" attraction where people in spooky costumes jump out at you randomly. Little did he know that having spooky things jump out at me is pretty high on my least-favorite-things list.
But I was a trooper. I got a death grip on his arm, pressed myself up against him so tight you couldn't see light between us (hmmm, that was probably part of his plan, eh?), clenched my teeth and braved the spooks.
About a 1/4 of the way through, a werewolf jumps out of a bush right next to me. I scream, jump backwards, trip over a root ... and hear an ominous snapping sound as I hit the ground.
They carried me out of the forest, whisked me off in an ambulance to the nearest emergency room, and declared that I had broken a bone in my ankle. Ouch. I never did see the rest of the haunted forest. But the werewolf came to visit me at the emergency room. :)
5) Been inside a burning building - on purpose
When I was a reporter, one of my favorite stories was one I did about the local fire academy. The Fire Captain heading the course let me spend a bit of time "shadowing" the fire cadets, including doing a "live burn" exercise with them.
I got all suited - turnouts, boots, helmet, mask, air tank, etc. - and "fought fire" alongside the cadets. Of course, being a "civilian", I had my own personal firefighter chaperone right next to me the whole time. But it was still a pretty amazing experience.
We were actually in the living room of the (abandoned) house when they set it on fire. We crouched down and breathed through our respirators as we observed how the fire traveled - fast! - through the house. Then, once the smoke filled the room so thick we could barely see each other, we all crawled out of the burning building. Outside, I got to help man a hose as we learned how and where to best attack the fire.
I was sweaty and dirty and I smelled like char and smoke for a week. But it was a really interesting and unique experience.
14 July 2008
A Good Day
Things I did NOT do today:
Things I DID to today:
Yeah, there are still clothes to be washed and dishes to be done and rooms to be cleaned. But I seriously doubt that anyone lies on their deathbed and wishes they had spent more time with their dishes.
- Go to work
- Do laundry
- Wash dishes
- Pay bills
- Vacuum
- Mop
- Make beds
Things I DID to today:
- Put together a puzzle
- Danced around the living room
- Shared a fudgsicle
- Built a block city
- Knocked down a block city
- Built another block city
- Kissed an owie
- Read a pirate book
- Defended the living room from bad pirates
- Attacked by an alligator
- Rocked my baby to sleep
- Kissed my toddler awake
- Played peek-a-boo
- And tickle monster
- Swam in the pool
Yeah, there are still clothes to be washed and dishes to be done and rooms to be cleaned. But I seriously doubt that anyone lies on their deathbed and wishes they had spent more time with their dishes.
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